Teacups & Time

Ancient Fears

2009-04-29T20:22:00.002-04:00

He sits alone.

He has for the last 3 days.

He never asks for much but people like him never do.

He has taken care of himself for the last eighty plus years. It isn’t in him to ask for help, which is probably why he sits here now in a wheelchair after his second fall in less than six months that required a surgical repair.

He tries to be strong but you can see it in his eyes.

Fear

Sadness

Loss

He is worried the Mrs. won’t want him back home. She has said as much. Joking, I think. I hope. Yet, he sits alone, again. So, I am not so sure she was laughing.

In him I see what I fear, loneliness and loss in my ancient years. It’s the blight that infertility has left on my spirit.

Don’t get me wrong, I am realistic enough to know that children aren’t a magical guarantee against loneliness. Nevertheless, an empty quiver provides no protection at all.

In this meeting, I am confronted with what I do not want to encounter. Not now. Not here. Not with a stranger. So, I avoid. This moment is not about me. It is about him.

We sit.

He tries to talk. I can tell it isn’t easy. Not for him. Not for me.

His chin quivers as he weakly smiles through jagged teeth. He speaks, hesitantly and softly, “Today ---(sniff) ---is ---- our 59th --- wedding -- anniversary.” Quickly, he looks away. So, must I. Neither one of us can see the others tears.

His for what he is missing now - the fears of an ancient.

Me for what his missing means – my ancient fears.

Call it Christian or Call it Life?

2009-04-26T13:02:00.005-04:00

Apparently, it was a rather impassioned discussion, as most are when focused on religion and beliefs. I am glad that I missed it. It would appear, from what I have heard I would have been in the minority – my faith and me. I am not good on the defense. Honestly, I am slow on the offense too. I don’t do well when a quick reply is needed. I am one who needs to ponder my response. Maybe that is why I write, time affords me a better argument. Usually, that is.

From what I have been told, it all began with the statement that a person didn’t want to participate in a medical mission unless it was “Christian”. Red flags started to fly and emotions began to drive the wind.

If this is not a “Christian” mission, does that deem it any less compassionate and worthy? If we call it a “Christian” mission does that mean we will “bible thump” and attempt to convert those we encounter? If that is the case, wouldn’t those we help then feel obligated to participate and isn’t that wrong? With each question, passion rose.

The one who stipulated such nomenclature to this already laudable cause wasn’t there to state his case. So it was easy to attack his proviso. Religion and its expression will always provide a worthy battleground.

I have to admit that on previous medical missions I have hungered for more – more of Christ. At one point, I even considered that I too, would prefer a “Christian” mission over traveling once again with this cause. I have told you I am one to contemplate. Time has given me grace between trips to consider this cause and my desires. My reflection has been a peeling back of thought and heart. I wonder if what I have considered is what our stipulator has thought.

Our world today is one to compartmentalize Christ. Sunday is acceptable. Church is tolerable. Living Christ is questionable. Christians have much to blame for this. We don’t live Christ well. We haven’t been good ambassadors. Nor have we been good warriors for the Cause. We have allowed ourselves to be set apart and not in a holy way. Instead, we isolate ourselves to our own. We stay safe.

Could it be that this one who requires a label to be placed upon the cause is looking for safety? I am not so sure. Rather, might it be permission. An agreement of sorts to live what he believes, freely offer to others what he has been given. That is what I would hope. Yet, therein lies the concern. How freely does he give? How freely would those receive?

I have come to a place where the words of St. Francis resound within my heart, “Preach always. If necessary use words.” As one who loves words, it isn’t an easy lesson to embrace. I, like most others, often speak it better than I live it. Does a label change the grace that happens? I don’t think so. Words are empty vessels unless followed by demonstrable acts. Life is to be lived. Grace is to be given.

If I confess Christ, my life in its totality is a mission, a Christian mission. I am not to be compartmentalized. I am not to be safe but to be Christ to those I come in contact with every moment of every day. Wise are the words of St. Vincent Pallotti, “Remember that the Christian life is one of action; not of speech and daydreams.”

I choose to be the Christian whether the cause is labeled Christian or not.

And the winner is....

2009-04-23T03:50:00.004-04:00

I am feeling like I need a drumroll but considering the early hour it is probably a good thing I don't have one (drum, that is). So without further delay....

The winner is:

Laura at the Wellblog

Congratulations Laura!

And a big Thank You to all who visit my humble bloggy home and leave such sweet comments! I am looking forward to the next 100 posts!

Shalom!

Too many words

2009-04-22T17:35:00.002-04:00

Some days the writing comes easy and others, not so much. Today, for whatever reason, is a not so much moment.

Believe me, there are words within me hungering for a voice. Instead of being void of words, I have too many. The difficulty lies in choosing those most worthy of utterance. Some days, the decision is too difficult.

Please don’t misunderstand. It has taken me 40+ years to get to the point I realize much of what I have to say doesn’t matter or more importantly, should never pass from thought to expression. Hesitation has been a difficult task to manage when creating thought to words. More often than not, I am wishing for a magic eraser to remove that which was articulated in haste. To avoid that necessity today, I am choosing to stop trying to say something and instead, be something.

Be still and know that He is God.

Don't forget...you still have a chance to win just leave a comment from now until midnight tonight. I will post the winner tomorrow. If you want, you can check out the gifty here....100th Post Giveaway

Lessons from a flower bed

2009-04-21T10:00:00.004-04:00

It has been a long time coming, this meeting of toil and soil. I have not yearned for this coming together of things much neglected. Rarely do I pine for such wearisome tasks but my apparent abandonment of this meager plot of earth had not gone unnoticed.

The unwanted and unwelcomed were waiting expectantly. Without hesitation they eagerly wedded their roots to this dirt. Deep and broad they established their claim. Unbridled their sprouting thrived and choked out the beauty that at one point called this place home. Now, however, it can be hidden no longer. The sparse and gray of winter has given way. This springtime sun exposes what woefully has been ignored. It cries out for restoration to its former beauty. It demands to be noticed.

It is a burdensome task to winnow out the undesirable. They are a contrary lot. Stubborn and uncompromising they stake their claim. On my knees, one by one, I attempt to extricate them from this hallowed ground. It is then when root meets air and dirt falls back to the earth, truth is exposed and my heart grows tender.

For in this common task of weeding a flower bed, I come face to face with the necessary chore of sifting my own heart of the unwelcomed and unwanted. In my indifference and pride, roots have been established that must be removed – wholly and completely plucked from their claim. Much like the earth of my flower bed, my heart soil cries for restoration - a cry that cannot nor should not be ignored.

Don't forget...you still have a chance to win just leave a comment between now and Wednesday. You can check out the gifty here....100th Post Giveaway

It's a conspiracy

2009-04-20T20:13:00.007-04:00

Okay, I know the title is a bit over the top but honestly, I am wound pretty tight right now. It started out as a good day - woke up at 4am and enjoyed some nice quiet time with a fresh cup of coffee and some good reading. Hubby stayed home today to relax a bit - something he rarely does but so deserves. We enjoyed each others company and ran a few errands this morning. All was well and then....

When we came home, he tried to load a new component to my PC and it went downhill from there. My PC is a quirky thing. It prefers the familiar. New things like programs, components or whatever are not welcomed warmly. The last time we tried to load something new it ended up sick and had to go to the PC hospital. It was out of commission for over a month. Not good. Unfortunately it appears that the underlying problem must not have been fixed because it is gasping for air, once again.

I don't handle gasping computers with grace. The thought of losing my connection to the bloggy world is frankly, in a word, upsetting. For a girl who is known for keeping a cool head in a medical emergency - the prospect of losing my internet access leaves me one hot mess.

I am not proud of that. Frankly, it is sad, so very sad.

Here I sit trying to type something profound as the approaching storm with all of its thunder and lightening speed my fingers. This is my hubby's new laptop. So brand spanking new that the battery is still charging and I don't want to get blamed for any power surges that a storm might bring. Hence, the quick typing. Unfortunately, this is my second attempt. Somewhere in my haste to post I hit something on this unfamiliar keyboard and everything disappeared. Gone forever.

A conspiracy...it has to be!

Why else would I be celebrating my 100th post with this!

Not exactly what I was hoping for but it is what it is - my 100th post.

Good news for you though....you still have a chance to win just leave a comment between now and Wednesday. You can go here to see what you can win....100th Post Giveaway

A 100th post Giveaway!

2009-04-18T07:54:00.005-04:00

It is hard to believe that soon - very soon - I will hit the "publish post" button for the 100th time.

I knew that within me were a lot of words. They dance in my head. They sing in my spirit. They tug on my heart. These words have been restless - wanting escape. Finally, they are finding a voice. Their wandering journey from heart to mind to pen (or keyboard) has been a long one. I hope that what you have heard from me since my first post has been a melody to your spirit.

Please join me in my celebration. Leave me a comment between now and Wednesday, April 29, 2009 and I will put you in the mix to win.....

Randomness of a wandering mind

2009-04-16T07:59:00.005-04:00

Okay, I have to admit this will be a bit scattered and random much like my thoughts of late. So, you might need an extra dose of caffeine before you venture further into this one!

If you have visited my blog more than 3 times this week, then you have probably noticed I have had more time on my hands to play with the design. After the last few weeks of working more than I usually do, I am enjoying the “free” time to “play”. I have been a bit restless in my spirit of late and it has overflowed into my blog. So, don’t be concerned – consider it a spring cleaning of sorts. Which leads me to my first thought of gratitude today….I am so thankful for the many creative bloggers out there who share their artistic talents with those who are still trying to muddle through the “how-to’s” of blogging design. Who needs a candy store when you can enjoy such sweetness in so many places – for FREE!

Moving on…(I warned you this was random)

Can anyone tell me where the sun has been? I am really starting to notice a correlation between my days off from work and rain. While I understand the need for the wet drops, why must they always fall when I have the time to do something fun – like sit on my deck reading in the warmth of a glowing orb?! I don’t mean to be ungrateful here – I am just ready for some warmer weather and clearer skies (preferably when I can enjoy them). Selfish, I know. Sorry.

I have been thinking of late…

Do you ever wonder why when Christ was resurrected His wounds remained visible? Did they remain to bring hope and faith to the doubting? Could it be that our wounds remain visible after our new birth in Christ as a sign of hope? Curious of your thoughts here…

I have been reading and pondering recently…

Of the two disciples journeying on the road to Emmaus where Christ appears to them and yet it wasn’t until He broke the bread that their eyes were open. Why did He wait until then to be revealed? When He discussed the scriptures that prophesied of Him, their hearts burned but it wasn’t until the bread was broken that their eyes were open. I can’t help but see my own reflection in this story. While the Word is beautiful, full of promise and hope, it compares not to the revelation of Christ I encounter when I gather at the communion table. Please share your thoughts….

Thank you for indulging me in this bit of random wandering. I am so grateful for this forum. I learn so much from each of you and find many smiles along my cyber-path. Take a moment if you can, and share your thoughts in a comment. I would really like to hear what you are thinking.

I pray that your journey today brings unexpected joy and peace unimaginable.

Christi crux est mea lux
(the cross of Christ is my light)

Word Filled Wednesday #1

2009-04-15T06:54:00.005-04:00

Head over to The 160 Acre Woods for more Word Filled Wednesday photos.

Captivity of Grace

2009-04-13T11:14:00.004-04:00

I enter this place hungry and tired. The sum total of who I am seeks to be satiated. Many things have attempted to gratify but in them is found only a temporary release. Soon, the appetite returns more ravenous than before. At this table, the banquet is set and the feast is to begin. I wait with anxious expectation for the honored guest to arrive.

I am not left wanting or waiting long. Soon, upon my cheek I feel the warmth of His breath whispering softly to my spirit, “You are my beloved.” In His embrace, I feel the letting go of all that binds my spirit to the emptiness within. In the gentleness of His caress, I sense the beckoning to draw closer.

As I gather here, I find Him vivid, palpable and alive. The totality of who I am has hungered for this encounter. In my want, I have struggled for this moment. At this table, my striving is surrendered to His presence - my doing is captured by His being.

A captivity of grace – may I never find release!

(The picture was taken during my last mission trip to Nicaragua. It is the hospital chapel.)

Easter Greetings!

2009-04-12T07:03:00.003-04:00

He is risen!

He has risen indeed!

An empty tomb, the culmination of sacrifice and offering. A promise of a new life - a life eternal!

Allelulia!

Easter 1968

A Journey's End

2009-04-06T17:23:00.003-04:00

This Lenten pilgrimage is coming to its end. These purposeful and painful steps are culminating in the holiest of memories.

What has passed is no more and the joy to come is the promise we seek. Yet, it is the now, in all its fermenting anguish that still must be lived.

He did
all of it
for me

Each painful step He endured was because of me. Each tortured moment of flesh torn, pierced and punctured was suffered for my sin – not His, for He had none. Each second of separation that broke His heart was borne so that I would never be.

Seperated
from God

Would I be a worthy recipient of such an offering?

Never
no matter how hard I tried
It could never be

Until…

He gave His all.

A Resurrected Passion

2009-03-30T01:00:00.001-04:00

A realist will deliberately wander from a yearning. Often, choosing to rest more comfortably in the obvious than the testing of a destiny unknown. Those who think they know me would call me just that, a realist. For much of my life that is what I have lived – the reasonable, sensible. Long ago, passion was neatly packed away. Practicality took its place. Life happened. However, the bedrock of the dream remained. From the depths, it sends forth its summons. It waits no longer. Its hunger is too great.

I hear its call, a soft, whispering echo. A faded dream dusty and dim, hiding as it has for years behind life and all its expectations. Now, the softest breath gently infuses light into my very self. Illuminated I become. It is neither a bright or blinding light, for that would be too overwhelming. Kindly, its muted glow slowly warms what has long since been cold. A resurrected longing is drawing its very breath within me once again. This time I will not trade its unknown for the common. I will hearken to its whisper and write what I gather from its breath.

2009-03-29T18:32:00.005-04:00

Every day love corners me somewhere and surrounds me with peace without having to look very far or very hard or do anything special.

Thomas Merton

Just thought I would share some "every day love" from my morning wanderings!

Blessings to you this day!

Mission in Grace

2009-03-27T09:30:00.009-04:00

I have a friend who is in Zambia on mission trip. I am so jealous. Having twice had the opportunity to travel to Nicaragua on a medical mission trip with Operation Walk Virginia, I know the life changing experience such a trip will bring. While I pray for my friend and her trip, I am once again looking forward to the opportunity to travel myself.

In September 2009, Operation Walk Virginia will be traveling to Quito, Ecuador. It is a daunting task to prepare for such a journey - acquiring people, supplies and funds can be overwhelming. Yet, if it were easy, would it really be necessary?

With this upcoming trip on my mind, I was going through some of my journaling from a past mission and just thought I would share it now:

It is hot, oppressively hot. Every pore of my body is sweating in a wasted effort of trying to cool itself. I am soaked, exhausted but grateful I am here in Nicaragua.

I am blessed with the opportunity to be in this place, right now. Living a brief moment of my life outside of the box. Here I am living my vocation – giving my vocation to those who may have never had an opportunity for this life changing surgery, were it not for grace.

Grace.

In this brief moment, we all are experiencing it.

I have often heard from those who have traveled similar paths before say, “what is received is so much more than what is given.” No truer words could be spoken. It is impossible to live this experience and not be changed – in some way.

In my ordinary, I am a nurse. It is my occupation – with its many rules, regulations and expectations. In this extraordinary moment, it is my vocation – a sacred calling. I am lost in the grace overflowing – to me, within me and from me.

I cannot be the same.

While we all may not be given the blessing of a mission trip to another country, we all are given opportunities to live our lives as channels of grace. We all have a sacred calling, a vocation. The choice is to live the extraordinary in the ordinary moments. A gift I am still learning.

PS: If you are interested, you can help us raise money for Operation Walk Virginia just by doing your web searches through Goodsearch.com or your online purchases through Goodshop which is accessed through Goodsearch.com. All you need to do is choose "Operation Walk Virginia (Alexandria, VA) as your designated cause. Thanks for helping!

Thankful Thursday

2009-03-19T09:58:00.002-04:00

Once again, I am joining in on this Thankful Thursday to remember at least 5 blessings I am grateful for. Click on the pic and share your thankful thoughts!

I am so grateful that God’s creation speaks of His love, beauty and order. As the seasons move from the barren hibernation of winter to the budding life of spring, I am given a glimpse of God’s creative hand in new growth and restoration. It is a visual anthology that mirrors my life when it is placed in His hands.
I am thankful for life. We are not promised the next moment. With a recent and very unexpected death of a coworker of my husband and now the sad news of Natasha Richardson, I am given pause to reflect. With each breath I am given I am blessed with the continued opportunity to observe God’s unfolding plan and to allow my life to bear witness to His grace.
Friends! A full life cannot be lived in a vacuum. I have been blessed with some incredible people in my life. Some may have only been for a season and others ever remain but all are cherished.
I am enjoying quiet mornings and the heavenly chorus of songbirds. Through their melodic musings I am reminded to that “joy comes in the morning”. I am thankful for ability to sense the sacred in such simple pleasures.
I am grateful for those who have the courage to follow God’s direction into His service. Men and women who minister through the Word, the Sacraments and their lives. My life has been encouraged, challenged and educated by such workers for Christ.

I Find My Soul...

2009-03-17T04:09:00.003-04:00

In this darkest of the night
when my eyes should be heavy in slumber,
sleep does not come.

My mind fumbles awake
with jumbled thoughts and awkward intentions,
restless it wanders.

My heart hungers for touch
in this cold and lonely night
it aches bare and alone.

In this dark and holy moment
When my eyes are heavy
my mind unsettled
my heart broken
I find my soul

Uncovered
Empty
Waiting

Check out more poems at

Seedlings in Stone

Sweet Silence

2009-03-13T01:00:00.001-04:00

Sweet silence I beg
do not leave me.

Rather, surround me
in your gentle arms.

In your sweet caress
may I find peace.

In your warm embrace
may I find love.

In your quiet comfort
may I find forgiveness.

Oh, gentle spirit
graceful and true.

In your presence,

I know that God exists.

In the sweetness of solitude,
He speaks to me.

Thankful Thursday

2009-03-12T01:00:00.002-04:00

I am thankful for a God who loves me more than I can fathom. Who knows me better than I know myself and desires nothing more than the best for me.
I am grateful for my sweet, hardworking husband. He battles horrible traffic every day traveling to and from work and is still able to come home with a smile.
I am thankful for chocolate chip cookie dough. It has been a long time since I have made some cookies - the dough was really good - the burnt ones, not so much!
I am thankful that spring is coming. My daffodils are starting to bud and soon I will see lovely flowers!
I am grateful for the peace and joy that is found in moments of solitude and rest.

It seems like I should go on for there is much to be thankful for. My life has been graced with many blessings and I pray my heart tender in thankfulness - always and in all things.

Click on the picture and join Sonya at Truth for the Journey for more Thankful Thursday posts!

A Kaleidoscope Twist

2009-03-09T10:56:00.002-04:00

Life is full of unexpected moments of incredible beauty. Like a child’s kaleidoscope, we take what we see and hold it up to our Source of Light. Slowly, as we twist and turn, a conversion occurs right before our eyes. Pieces that first appear broken and useless transform into arrestingly beautiful reflections of light. True for a kaleidoscope and true for our own hearts.

As of late, life has been a bit unexpected for me. What had become a nice routine of life was disrupted by whispers to my soul calling me away. This holy echo quickened my heart and demanded my attention. The kaleidoscope of my life began to twist and turn. The confused and befuddled pieces slowly manifested into a clearly unmistakable sign. A guidepost had been established in my life journey leading me in a direction I never expected.

Unexpected, but not unfamiliar is this path that I begin to tread. Without hesitation my obedience is required. Yet, with hesitation my heart is saddened for what I will leave. This hallowed journey will take courage, of which I have little on my own. Some, whom I have called “friend”, will not understand this change in direction for prejudices and ignorance run deep. Grace, I beg to saturate my soul and love to be the only word I speak. In my submission, I seek courage from the only Source I know to be True and Faithful – the One who bids me to follow.

So, in quiet obedience I yield my life and all that is contained within. With each twist and turn that comes my way, I am thankful for the Source of Light that reveals the beauty in all circumstances. May my life continue to be a reflection of His grace, love and truth.

A Lenten Journey

2009-03-03T19:56:00.004-05:00

With each snowflake that fell yesterday, I saw a heavenly grace in its accumulating blanket.

Lent is a journey of repentance. A pilgrimage that is not easy to make for we must travel this penitent path alone. In solitude of self, we must kneel to confess that which has bound us back from the presence of God and when we stand we must turn toward a new direction – a new path, a more direct trail to traverse.

In the dingy gray of winter, a brilliance of white covered everything. In its radiance, all that appeared lifeless, blazes with a blinding purity.

Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure; wash me, make me whiter than snow. Psalm 51

In the filth of sin, only God has the ability to cleanse to a purity more blinding than a snowstorm. A life bowed in humble contrition is what is required. A repentant heart rising from complete and humble confession will shine the mercy and grace of God.

Wrestling with God

2009-02-27T17:42:00.002-05:00

Wrestling quietly with the circumstances of my life. There is an attitude to be taken, there are decisions to be made. There is a radical refusal demanded of me somewhere and I do not know where it begins and ends and how to approach it.

God makes us ask ourselves questions most often when He intends to resolve them. He gives us needs that He alone can satisfy and awakens capacities that He means to fill. Any perplexity is liable to be a spiritual gestation, leading to a new birth and mystical generation.
- Thomas Merton

I thought I had been wrestling quietly but I guess, not so much. If my words were not spoken loudly, my actions or lack thereof, have resonated in their place. My intent was to work out this decision alone. It is hard to verbalize to others when you are not quite sure what the battle is about. Yet, in my attempt to “go it alone”, I have left others frustrated and concerned. For that, I am truly sorry.

God has been making me ask questions of myself, of my relationship with Him and how I express that relationship in my worship. Gratefully, I know that He will resolve them. I wait, not so patiently, for His direction. Clarity and discernment is what I desire. I want a trumpet’s blast for an answer and seem to hear only gentle whispers in the wind.

Yet, I hear.

Now, I must follow.

Thankful Thursday

2009-02-26T18:04:00.004-05:00

Is it really Thursday already!

I am so grateful to have a husband who cares enough to clean the house before I return from a trip. It is wonderful to return home to a made bed and sink without dishes!
I am ever grateful for a sister who lets me crash at her home when I am in Ohio. It is the nicest bed and breakfast around! Can I tell you that sister of mine knows how to cook! She even got me to eat salmon...and LIKE IT!
I am thankful that I was able to celebrate my mother's 85th birthday in person! It was so much better than singing my sentiments over the phone.
I am thankful for sweet sleep - of which I am looking forward to enjoying tonight! Can I tell you 330am comes way too early!
Most of all, I am thankful that I know a God who loves me in spite of who I am!

The Home of My Yesteryears

2009-02-24T18:07:00.005-05:00

I have been home.

Sort of.

At least that is what it once was and for a deep part of me will always be. Yet, time hasn’t been so kind to this little city.

Things have changed. The home I grew up in was sold a few years back. I drive by but it doesn’t look the same. I am glad for that. For me, it closes one chapter without regrets.

The town is quiet and gray. It usually is in winter but this year appears even more so. I am sure that the economy hasn’t been so kind around here. Empty factories and storefronts litter the streets. What was once a little metropolis that stood proud and tall – Rubber Capital of the World – appears weary and worn out.

Yet, the university is growing and consuming buildings and land that fall into its path. Even my high school has fallen prey to its voracious appetite. I am okay with that. It promises futures – lots of them – brightness in the midst of gray.

Familiar, yet different – the home of my yesteryears.

PS...

Enjoyed a wonderful weekend celebrating my mom's 85th birthday. Here is a pic from her big day!

Road Trip

2009-02-19T23:59:00.003-05:00

I am getting ready to go on a road trip. A journey similar to many I have traveled over the years. This common highway is a familiar friend. It is the path home leading me to the place of my birth, my early years and the start of all that I am. It is a journey that is made not only in miles but also in memories, some good and some not.

Memories are like that - life moments carving their mark upon us. Sculpting us into the creatures we are to become. Some cuts are deeper and some are mere etchings however, once the strike is made, all are irrevocable, unchangeable.

This journey is a bittersweet one. A celebration of a life lived for 85 years but also a reminder of a life drawing ever deeper into its twilight. Monday, February 23, my mother will be celebrating her 85th birthday. A long life she has lived. As with many long lives, it has been one with twists, turns, ups and downs. These latter years haven’t been so kind. Dementia and Parkinson’s have become a part of her life story and therefore, mine too. Sadly, they have robbed from her gift of gracefully growing old. Their thievery has stolen a great deal from so many.

Yet this journey is not all bitter, what joy it will be to sing “happy birthday” to the woman who so many years ago carried me under her heart. She loved, not perfectly, but much. She gave when she had little to give. I travel with gifts to give to this very special birthday girl. However, I know that the best gifts received that day will be the ones I will walk away with – a memory of a mother’s smile, a mother’s kiss and a mother’s hug.

Precious memories carved deep within my heart.

Thankful Thursday

2009-02-19T15:10:00.003-05:00

There is so much to be thankful for this week but to be a team player I will limit it to five. **smile**

I am incredibly grateful for the news I received on Monday that I don't need surgery right now and I can begin to run again. I desperately need to get off the weight that found me, once again.
I am grateful that my husband and I are able to work in areas that are the least likely to be affected by the economy. We realize that we are blessed to have such an opportunity.
I am grateful that when I took my car in today for some work, I was able to leave in 30 minutes and only spent $50.
I am grateful for my husband and two dogs who make me laugh and frustrate me all in the same minute. The love and pure joy they bring far outweighs any irritations.
I am grateful for the opportunity I have to travel to Ohio this weekend to celebrate my mother's 85th birthday.

7 Words to Ponder

2009-02-18T04:59:00.002-05:00

In the 1950s there was an incident, so I have been told, in the divided city of Berlin. Apparently, a group from East Berlin drove a garbage truck into West Berlin dumped its load in the street and left a sign saying, “a gift from East Berlin.” The people in West Berlin were not happy with the “dump” but decided to return the gesture in an interesting way. They loaded up a truck with food, gifts and toys. In the dark cover of night they drove to East Berlin unloaded the truck in the street and left this sign: “A gift from West Berlin – One gives what one has to give.” True words on so many levels, aren’t they?!

Seven words to ponder.

One gives what one has to give.

What do I have to give? Garbage or generous gifts?

I wish that I could say with great confidence it was the latter but my nose would grow faster than Pinocchio’s! More often than I care to admit, my irritations, frustrations and insecurities taint my giving. I have dumped too much of my own trash on people who neither deserved nor were prepared to receive any of it.

It would be easy to excuse it away – PMS, lack of sleep, righteous anger, etc, etc. However, easy doesn’t make it right and it doesn’t take away the damage that occurs. It also doesn’t address the root problem – where is this plethora of garbage storing itself within me?

If my goal would be to be a generous gift giver and “One gives what one has to give,” then I need to begin to permanently remove my internal trash and create a place where grace-filled gifts can be stored.

Looks like my spring cleaning won't be limited to the nooks and crannies of my home!

Simple joy!

2009-02-14T16:21:00.003-05:00

Joyful, joyful we adore thee
God of glory, Lord of love;
hearts unfold like flowers before thee,
opening to the sun above.
Melt the cloud of sin and sadness,
drive the dark of doubt away;
giver of immortal gladness;
fill us with the light of day!

7 Quick Takes Friday

2009-02-13T05:03:00.005-05:00

**1**

Okay, I know I was tired that day and had a few dark circles under my eyes but did it necessitate this question from the receptionist at my eye doctor, "are you a member of AARP?" Bless her heart for trying to get me a discount but c’mon now! I wanted to show her my prescription after I was done…Look, I may be 40-something but I still don’t need reading glasses. My eyes are the same as they were last year! Woohoo! Small victories, we “middle-agers” have to take them when we can! AARP, hmmmph!

**2**

What is it with the Canadian Geese in our neighborhood! Apparently, our yard has the yummiest grass around. Hence, their trek up from the lake passed numerous grassy knolls to feast upon our small lot of land.

**3**

Why does my sweet precious hubby look surprised that I am up? His alarm went off – full volume at 5am! Startling him awake, it took a few minutes of looking like the robot off of “Lost in Space” - danger Will Robinson, danger before he could find the off button. Then quietly, he rolls out of bed; trips over the golden who then begins to whine in excitement that somebody wants to play; he quietly shuts the door and goes downstairs. I follow a few minutes later – after I fall from the ceiling where I was plastered when the full volume alarm when off. Incredulously he wonders aloud, “I tried to let you sleep in on your day off.” REALLY?

**4**

3 am comes way too early for me but apparently, not for my German Shepherd Maggie. On my work days, she dutifully wakes me up before the alarm with one stiff poke in the side. Why Maggie? Why!? Sleep is not overrated no matter what people say!

**5**

Yesterday, I wondered. Sitting at a traffic light, I hear a horn beep and watch this car venture straight into the intersection. Mind you, his light was red! Gesturing and obviously yelling, this gray haired gentleman realized he went when he shouldn’t have because the lady behind less than politely beeped him to move. She looked horrified that he was in the intersection. I wonder in the midst of his rants did he ever realize he went where he wasn’t supposed to go. He was in a right turn only lane. I bet he had an AARP card.

**6**

It is hard to think of seven things at 4am.
Note to self: if you do this next week, wait to start when the “bean” is firing all the wheels in my head! The “bean” – nectar of the god’s – my greatest addiction, coffee!

**7**

This is my first time to participate in “Seven Quick Takes”. Go check out what other people are saying at Conversion Diaries.

Peace and Quiet

2009-02-12T20:19:00.005-05:00

You have made my soul for Your peace and Your silence, but it is lacerated by the noise of my activity and my desires. My mind is crucified all day by its own hunger for experience, for ideas, for satisfaction. And I do not possess my house in silence.

~ Thomas Merton

Quiet my soul, Father.

The night shade of this day is creeping ever closer. The softness of sleep calls to my weary and tired body. The wild and frenzied pace of this day has propelled me to this moment. Frenetic thoughts and movements continue to assault me. My home is possessed but not with a holy and sacred silence of the soul.

I try to quiet. It doesn't work

Holy Spirit, fall upon me now. Free me from the chains that bind me to the internal, infernal noise

In the riches of your holy release, may I sleep in grace filled peace

Amen.

Change

2009-02-11T16:04:00.003-05:00

Change is coming
I can see it
The shimmering of hope draws me in
I am enthralled in its vision
Captured by the dream

Change is coming
I can hear it
The deepness bellows out its plea
I can do nothing
But listen to its call

Change is coming
I can smell it
The air is saturated with promise
Pouring down it scent upon me
I wait in expectation

Change is coming
I can taste it
For the common ceases to appease
An abundant banquet is set before me
A promise of fullness awaits

Change is coming
I can feel it
As the gentle wind hastens to a gale
I am pushed forward
Falling into its embrace

Change is here
I know it
In its transformation is the familiar
I am not afraid
I follow where He leads

The Noon Hour

2009-02-10T12:01:00.001-05:00

It is noon.

Midday.

I know it not so much by the position of the sun, although, its brilliance and warmth is a respite from winter’s gray chill. Rather, it is the deep, melodic call of the church bells that draw my attention.

Within their chimes, I hear a cry for pause.

My heart is called to reflection. Half of this day is done and half remains. While I find importance to consider what has passed, I do well not to be stuck there, for much remains to be.

This sacred selah is also a tender reminder that much like this day, my life is at a midpoint. That is, of course, if God wills me a long life.

In the peal of the bells, the Word reverberates within my heart. “You have made my days a mere handbreath; the span of my years is as nothing before you. Each man’s life is but a breath.”

Breathe on me, Holy Spirit.

In this brilliance of the Son, illumine this heart of mine. Cast all shadows of sin, doubt and confusion aside, there is no time for that.

Embolden me to choose wisely the remains of this day - of this life.

In me, I pray you find a chosen sanctity, now and forever.

Amen.

A Living Memorial

2009-02-09T14:57:00.001-05:00

Have you ever arrived at a destination with little recall on how you got there?

I have and it is very disconcerting.

There is much comfort in knowing where you came from and the path that brought you to your present. Maybe, that is why I have been unsettled lately. I have been traveling along the same forgotten path.

Even the Israelites were instructed to leave memorials, stones of remembrance, in places where big things happened. Places where God showed himself faithful and true.

Memorials.

I have no stones of remembrances. It isn’t that big things haven’t happened – they have. It isn’t that God hasn’t shown Himself faithful and true to me – He has. It isn’t Him who lacks, it is me.

Memory has failed me or rather I have failed it. While some memories have been forgotten, sadly, more passed by unaware.

Your life is a journey you must travel with a deep consciousness of God. 1 Peter 1:17 Message

I have trekked through much of my life with a superficial consciousness of God. I believed there was a God. I just didn’t see Him in my everyday moments. I didn’t really look for Him. Now, my journey of life has brought me to a crossroad, a point of decision.

Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.
Jeremiah 6:16 NIV

Shall I continue my path as I have, with little to stand witness of my life? No, please no!

My life journey will continue but I will not, at least not like I was. This sacred and ancient course I travel will be ventured alive and with intention. I will look. I will experience. I will see what I haven’t seen. I will be prepared to remember.

I will be ready to witness God’s presence in my journey – a living memorial of flesh not stone.

Life Viewed in Black and White

2009-02-03T19:23:00.005-05:00

I enjoy looking at old black and white photos. I am easily drawn in, savoring each tiny detail. In their simple contrast, complex stories are often told. My penchant for these old photos is displayed on a wall in our family room, where the old black and whites from our families echo back their legends to our wandering eyes. Of late, one has captured my attention to the point I am almost lost within its frame.

This is my great grandmother, my mother’s namesake, Angeline. I never met her but as I look intently at this photo I feel as if I know her. I have no idea how old she was when this photo was taken but I do know that she lived to be 103. At least that is what my mother had written on the back on the photo. It is my guess that this picture was taken not far from that milestone.

I doubt she ever left the confines of the small town in the hills of Tuscany, Italy. Yet, there is a weariness of a traveler that echoes back from her gaze.

I can only imagine what incredible sights can be seen in 103 years even if they never left a small hillside in Italy – birth and death; joy and pain; pleasure and suffering; abundance and emptiness; faith and fear. A long life journey formed the wealth of memories which dwell in those eyes. Oh, if I only had the opportunity to speak with her – to speak her language – to glean some well worn wisdom. However, that would never be. Too many miles and too many years separated her end from my beginning.

But all is not lost, for when I look at each gnarl of a knuckle and curve of a wrinkle, I see something familiar. I can picture those hands hard at work creating pasta from flour mountains. I imagine those hands tilling hard, rocky soil and tending to a garden full of zucchini and tomatoes. I can picture those same hands gently holding a rosary while her lips softly moving in prayer. It is easy for me to see this because I saw this lived out in her granddaughter, my mother.

I remember as a little girl watching my mother take a mountain of flour with a dozen of eggs in its center and slowly mix them together to create delicious pasta ready to be patiently rolled and formed into her famous raviolis. I witnessed my own mother working in the hot sun weeding around the abundantly producing tomato and zucchini plants. I have many fond memories of attending Mass on Saturday evenings with Mom and trying my best not to be too much of distraction. These simple memories are more than just tender recollections. They are the familiar I observe in my great grandmother’s photo, the recognizable legacy that came alive in my mother’s life.

It is my inheritance – a wealth of love, hard work and faith – lived out in the generations that came before me. A legacy I hope to continue.

Twilight Hour

2009-01-29T18:17:00.004-05:00

The brilliance of this day is hesitantly crossing the threshold into night’s dark silence.

I wonder at these twilight moments did I spend this day well? Did I hearken to every opportunity that was set before me? Did I choose the best rather than the good?

I marvel that in all my busyness, so much is left undone.

I am left feeling much the same way – undone.

In this twilight, I am given the opportunity to unravel the haste of this day and acknowledge His presence that was intricately woven into each detail.

While, I can’t finish what is left undone. I can abandon myself to into His loving arms.

In this twilight, I am given the opportunity to fearlessly examine myself against the purity of all that is He and fall humbly at His feet in confession.

While, I can’t change what has been done. I can rest in His forgiveness.

Soon, night will fall and so will my eyes in gentle slumber.

Rest, my child for another day will dawn.

Yet, this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:21-23

A Sabbath Rain

2009-01-28T17:11:00.003-05:00

As the rhythmic tap upon the window sings a lullaby to my spirit, softly and gently I am called to quiet.

I settle in for its tender caress.

A moment.

A Sabbath moment.

In its totality, I find sanctuary.

In its truth, I discover purpose.

In its stirrings, I experience reaffirmation.

In its embrace, I find tears.

Yesterday, was sheer delight in the shimmering blanket of snow that covered my world.

Today, is refining revelation in the rain that followed.

Cleanse me with hyssop and I will be clean, wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Restored.

Create in me a pure heart, O God

Transformed.

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Revived .

Love descends upon me.

A Shabbat rain upon my soul.

Update....

2009-01-27T11:17:00.002-05:00

Wooohooo!

We got flakes!

Anticipa-a-a-a-a-tion!

2009-01-27T07:05:00.006-05:00

I absolutely feel like a kid waiting for school to be called off for SNOW! I have to admit I have looked out the window at least 4 times since I got up this morning wanting to see some of that fluffy white stuff coating the ground. Instead I feel like Yukon Cornelius from Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, I keep throwing up the pick and getting "nothing"!

Is it because I didn't go to sleep last night with my PJ's inside out? I have been told that is the "secret" to a child's wish for a snow day off from school. I wouldn't know. I grew up in Northern Ohio, we always had snow and never had a snow day. Inside-out PJ's or not!

I am not giving up, though. Neither are our trusty local weather people! Would you believe our local news was on winter storm watch and started their morning forecast 1 hour earlier today with nary a flake in the air! Three hours later and still no flakes!I am starting to feel like a "flake" for looking.

Even Sam and Maggie wonder if we will ever see a flake this winter!

We wait - we look - we hope!

Lauds - The Awakening

2009-01-26T04:46:00.004-05:00

Finally, the frenetic pace of life is slumbering. In its rhythmic breaths, a silent tranquility permeates the world.

While most people are gently sleeping, I greet this hour with anticipation. There is a gentle peace to be found in this morning darkness that softly embraces the beginning of my day. Morning is calling my soul to awaken. This is the time I present my sacred offering – body, soul and mind – upon the altar of the day.

It requires a holy preparation for soon the rising sun will beckon the day to begin. As its rays permeate the sky, the day will come quickly. I must be ready to greet all the joys and challenges that will be set before me.

In this precious solitude, I find purpose. In this sacred silence, I find strength.

In this morn, I find the Source of all I will ever need to carry me through this day.

In the Morning

2009-01-15T20:10:00.005-05:00

Every morning I lay the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for the fire to descend.
Psalm 5:3 The Message

This striking picture was snapped just this morning on my way to work. If timed right, I am able to witness the first few rays of light cresting the trees from the eastern sky. Gently they begin to caress their radiance upon the Potomac River. It is a mesmerizing and beautiful moment.

What is striking to me is the fact that this isn’t a new path I am traveling. I have driven past this very spot many, many times and yet, I haven’t seen what I set my eyes upon now.

I have missed the Glory in the obvious. That saddens me.

This morning, however, it was a revelation – an unveiling of sorts.

For now, I have chosen to begin my daily wanderings, while it is still dark and when slumber still caresses most in its gentle arms. In these dark and quiet moments, I am able to take the pieces that make my whole and lay it on the altar. My simple sacrifice I give. It isn’t much but it is my all. It soon becomes His.

I wait.

Soon the sun will rise and my humble sacrifice will tested in the fire of the day.

Soon, very soon, The Son will rise and may my humble sacrifice then be found pure and acceptable.

Be Still

2009-01-14T18:30:00.005-05:00

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

I have felt a call of late. It is beckoning my very soul into its presence. It asks nothing more of me than to be quiet. It would seem at first glance that I am being asked the impossible.

The frenetic pace of life has infected me with its virus of restless and wandering inattention. I am tainted, contaminated but thankfully, not terminal.

So, I wait.

In the quiet of my surroundings, I wait. Loudly and impatiently, I wait.

There is a mystery in silence.

Surrender and healing draw near.

*********************************************************

Be still and know that I am GOD

You are the Alpha and Omega. All things are created by your hand. Nothing absolutely nothing happens without your knowledge. Great are you, Lord, and mighty in power. My existence is by your hand. My very breath is whispered from your lips.

Be still and know that I AM

You were before anything was. You are here now. You will forever be. What You are I am not nor will I ever be.

Be still and KNOW

It doesn’t come easy. Good things rarely do. Priceless things like wisdom and knowledge are treasures to seek. I know very little, save the fact, I want you Lord – morning, noon, night, inside, out, above, around, below – only to know You.

Be STILL

Quiet me. I create my own clamor. Incessantly, even when I don’t want to, I do. Turn my very being away from outward things and toward you.

BE

Exist in Him
Exist for Him
Breath Him alone

I AM, here

2009-01-12T13:27:00.003-05:00

I am not far from you, my child.
I may seem distant but the truth is you just are not seeing me in your everyday moments.
Slow down.
Look.
Look carefully.
I can be found.
I can be felt.
I can be heard.
Stop.
Become aware.
Be attentive.
It isn't hard, my child.
I promise it isn't.
I am here.
With you.
Now.
Always.

A letter

2009-01-09T09:49:00.001-05:00

I received a letter from a friend today. I usually love getting letters.

this one – not so much.

It brought news that we weren’t expecting. News that I am sure, they didn’t know how to share gently.

A heartbreaking disclosure packaged neatly in its folded discourse.

Friends - a couple - a family – is no more.

My heart breaks.

My mind screams – “WHY”!

But it doesn’t really matter that I know the “why”. Understanding the details will not palliate the sorrow.

I grieve for them.

I grieve with them.

My spirit groans in anguish.

In the depths, I hear a whisper.

Pray.

Right now, pray is all I can do.

Pray is what I will do.

Enfold,

Envelop,

Bind,

with prayer.

Yes to God Tuesdays

2009-01-06T20:40:00.012-05:00

I am taking part in a study over at Write from the Heart based on Jennifer Rothchild's book Self Talk, Soul Talk.

Sorry, I am late ladies. A few speed bumps on my journey!

I have always had an affinity for words.

Written words can consume my imagination; fan a flame of passion or question what was thought to be understood.

Spoken words may leave less to the imagination but their potency is not diluted by the mere fact of their transiency. Their resonance can be captivating.

However, it is neither the written or spoken words that create the most chaos. It is the “self talk”, the continuous, rambling conversation between my ears that distracts, destroys and dilutes. It is the banter that no one else hears that pummels me with pretense and incapacitates me with idiocy.

I like Jennifer Rothchild’s analogy of a “thought closet” as a place where we store all those “hidden thoughts, secret insecurities, lies, illusions, and reminders of former failures”. Most of us have that place in our homes where we store those things we don’t want anyone else to see. A place where we quickly hide things when unexpected visitors come and soon we forget what has been hidden. For many years, I didn’t realize the impact that this internal chatter had on my being.

However, a closet is a finite space and its capacity is limited. One day it will no longer be able to conceal its contents in secret and what was once hidden will be exposed. “Without my consent, my mind keeps reaching into the dark corners of that closet to retrieve the troublesome contents I have inadvertently stored away over the years.” It is exciting to me to consider the notion that I can change the course of this monologue from what is rarely positive, encouraging and helpful to something that will bring about real transformation.

It seems most appropriate at the start of this new year for me to take on the endeavor of being transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2) and to think about those things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy (Philippians 4:6-8). Much like the cliché “garbage in – garbage out”, we must consider what is brought into our mind – often stored there, unknowingly, and will eventually, be exposed. I have already taken on this new year, the adventure of purposed memorization of scripture. Starting this study, is an affirmation that I am on the right track.

Looking forward to all the “spring cleaning” that is ahead!

*all words in blue taken from "Self Talk, Soul Talk" by Jennifer Rothschild.

A Holy Transformation

2009-01-04T16:38:00.003-05:00

In the quietness of this morning, I have had time to consider how this life’s journey for me must change. Fearful, though I am, that the prospect of this reworking will be temporary at best, I endeavor forward. I struggle for boldness and strength. I am all too familiar, that on my own, I have none. In Christ, however, I am learning I have it all.

I plead for courage, a fearless audacity to live in the boldness of Him who I confess as Savior and Lord. I implore for a holy moxie to strengthen the timidity of my own endeavors. Without it I will fail but with it, the transformation that I seek will be a lasting one. Its success or failure lies in the surrender of my will for His.

It will be a daily, if not a moment by moment, chore to abdicate my throne for His. Every thought, every word and every deed will need to be scrutinized to be found worthy of wanderer of Christ. Sacred pauses in my day will be necessary to confirm the course of my pilgrimage. These holy interludes will be required to verify my bearings and rework my steps as I persevere on this journey to a holy transformation. Necessary and required they are but not easily found, I am sure, at least not in the beginning of this pilgrimage. It will have to be a determined pursuit on my part to seek these pivotal pauses.

So, I prepare.

It’s the transformation I anticipate.

Christ in me is what I desire.

©2009

Happy New Year!

2009-01-03T19:15:00.001-05:00

It is a genesis moment.

A new beginning unfolds.

I am grateful.

For within its birth I am given the opportunity to embark on a new adventure. To journey even deeper into this existence called life.

I am awakened to the possibilities.

The history of my life has brought me to this moment but it will not venture boldly any farther. Its legacy will linger in shadows and memories but it will not dictate my future.

Embolden my heart. Ready my spirit. Hasten what is to come.

In my anticipation I am revived.

Welcome 2009!

How will you say goodbye?

2008-12-31T17:31:00.006-05:00

A friend asked me today if my goodbye to 2008 was “good riddance” or a “fond farewell”. My initial answer was quick in coming but it shouldn’t have been. If you are one of the few who have been reading my blog, the last few months have been difficult for various reasons. Of course, it is the most recent of memories that have the most clarity. The passing of time has a way of blurring the edges and softening the veracity of our circumstances. So, it didn’t surprise me that my initial response was “good riddance”. But her words caused me to pause before I spoke and really give thought to what my answer should be.

A lot has happened this year.

Some good. Some bad. That is the reality of life. It is the existence we all lead.

Yet, in the midst of it all, I have seen God.

He was in the opportune moment that provided my mother the safety and security to transition from her assisted living apartment to a skilled nursing bed in the community where she lives. He was in the familiar faces that surrounded her and pushed the ugly head of dementia back into its hole. He was in the face of a friend who was willing to work past the bark of a fearful German Shepherd and watch our dogs (and home) on more than one occasion and often, without notice. He was in the face of coworkers who offered to adjust their schedules so I could return home for last minutes trips to help ailing parents. He was in the beauty of a WV cabin and the hysterical laughter of friends. He was in the splendor of the beach – in the sunrises and the sunsets and every moment in between that refreshed my soul. He was in the final goodbye of a patriarch this side of heaven. He has been in every laugh and every tear. I know. I have seen Him.

Through this pause, I have come to realize that witnessing God’s presence in every circumstance has changed my response. With gratitude and affection I will lay my head upon the pillow tonight and say goodbye to this passing year. I bid a “fond farewell” to 2008.

Tomorrow, I will gaze upon 2009 with mystery and wonder. Knowing that the finality of each moment has not yet occurred - God's plan still unfolds.

Kairos - a moment of time in which something special happens

2008-12-30T16:49:00.002-05:00

Christmas 2008 has swiftly moved into the fading shadows of holidays past.

It didn’t take long for the decorations to quickly be packed away – unusual for them to be concealed so hastily – but agonizingly appropriate for the oddness that was this holiday season.

So, now I find myself in an extended pause – a long, drawn out sigh.

Some might find this pause unnerving or unwelcome. I don’t. I find comfort in its mystery.

For in this sigh, a haunting quiet saturates my being. Cleansing me from the past and preparing me for the future. Chronos stands still.

Kairos provokes my thoughts.

A sacred moment to ponder and savor 2008 in its twilight moments before the awakening of 2009 and the promise it holds.

Christmas Eyes

2008-12-24T15:17:00.004-05:00

This will probably be my most favorite Christmas gift this year. For those of you who have children, I am sure that you have seen one or two of these in your parenting years. However, since I have no two-legged little ones pattering around my home, I adore receiving refrigerator artwork fashioned by big hearts and little hands.This particular masterpiece has been a very special reminder for me this year.

As I have written in previous posts, as of late life has been sad, frazzled and definitely distracted. Yet, when I look upon this precious gift I am reminded ever so gently of a time in my life when I saw Christmas through different eyes. Younger eyes.

As this Christmas Eve fades into a memory, I pray that we all may look gently to the beauty before us and eagerly anticipate the joy in the morning. Remember not all our gifts will be wrapped in paper and tied with a bow.

Some will be found in the warm embrace of a loved one - or maybe in the smile of a stranger.

Will you experience your gift in the crisp, white snow? Or maybe in the sweet sound of falling rain?

You may hear your gift it in the stillness of the morning but don't miss its presence in the chaos of the day.

Seek out the grace gifts that are so freely given but too often overlooked. It may surprise you where they will be found - this year my gift came folded neatly in a Christmas card and fashioned by precious little hands.

Thanks Jack!

Christmas Perfection

2008-12-17T10:22:00.006-05:00

“I’m dreaming of the perfect Christmas!”

You know the tune – I have just tweaked the words a bit.

What is it that makes a Christmas perfect? A perfect tree? A perfect present? A perfect gathering of family and friends?

Whatever it may be, I am not having it this year! Not at all!

Not because I don’t want it but rather because I don’t think it wants me. Quite honestly, I am okay with that. The pressure is off. The timeframes are gone. The expectations are diminished.

The tree is up. The cards are stamped and ready to be mailed. Yet, not a present has been purchased. (Forgive me all those who may have been expecting one from us but they will obviously be delayed.) Even with nary a Christmas present to wrap, there still isn’t a force pushing me towards the mall.

Life has happened. In all the good and the bad that inhabits my existence, my plans have been interrupted and the path of my “perfect” Christmas has been charted on a different course.

Different doesn’t necessarily mean less, right?! It just means different.

I often burden myself with hefty expectations of what things should look like. I frequently layer upon layer tasks to accomplish in order to create that “perfect” moment. In the process, I am worn out and irritable. In doing so, I create misery more than perfection for both myself and those around.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

This year, I have the privilege to get away from my self-imposed burdens. Will it be any less Christmas because it appears different? No, absolutely not. In fact, this may be the first “real” Christmas in a very long time!

I am not “making” Christmas. Not this year. My journey is taking me along a path to the Christ-child – the Christ in Christmas. Distractions removed. Experiences deepened. In setting aside the unimportant, I can witness “unforced rhythms of grace”. Even more so, I am not just a bystander this year, I am a fellow sojourner to the manger.

“They were sheepherders camping in the neighborhood. They had set night watches over their sheep. Suddenly God’s angel stood among them and God’s glory blazed around them. They were afraid. I am here to announce a great and joyful event that is mean for everybody, worldwide: A Savior has just been born in David’s town, a Savior who is Messiah and Master. This is what you’re to look for: a baby wrapped in a blanket and

lying in a manger.

At once the angel was joined by a huge angelic choir singing God’s praises: Glory to God in the heavenly heights, Peace to all men and women on earth who please him.

As the angel choir withdrew into heaven, the sheepherders talked it over. “Let’s get over to Bethlehem as fast as we can and see for ourselves what God has revealed to us.” They left running, and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby lying in a manger. Seeing was believing.”

Luke 2:8-17 MSG

Our Savior has been revealed. Run toward the manger – see Christ in your Christmas.

Believe not in the perfect Christmas - it doesn't exist - but believe in the “Perfection” that is Christmas – Christ, Savior and Messiah born in a manger. He is the gift of God for all of us to unwrap.

Thankful Thursday

2008-12-11T08:16:00.004-05:00

I am a little late this year.

Sure, I have excuses but what is the point! Does it really matter that the only Christmas decoration adorning my home this morning is the desire within me to celebrate this season with a humble and sincere heart? Honestly, I believe that is where all the ceremony of this beloved season should begin. Before any wreath is displayed; any ornament hung; any card mailed, we should measure the meaning within our hearts.

One of the most common expressions of this season is the Christmas tree. Simple evergreens adorned with lights and ornaments bringing sparkle and beauty into the corners of our homes. While I admire the splendor of those who decorate their tree with precision and create masterpieces to display, I am more drawn to the tree that celebrates life. The most dazzling tree to me is the one that displays “special” family ornaments and tells a story of the family who lives within the walls of that home.

While the tree alone is a stunning creation of nature, the ornaments that adorn its branches are what set it apart. Each ornament creates its own unique touch of loveliness to the tree. That is the purpose of an ornament - to enhance and embellish the splendor already existing. Much like our Christmas trees, our lives are adorned with ornaments that bring forth a fuller measure of loveliness. Creating a beauty that is both remarkably stunning and astonishingly original. Today, I am grateful for the many ornaments of grace that make me who I am.

I am thankful for my salvation, of which no other ornament can compare and by which my life has been indelibly marked for eternity.

I am thankful for my husband, despite all my failings, has loved me with a constant and abiding devotion.

I am thankful for my parents, who instilled in me the value of a life well lived. Who by their own diverse expressions shared with me the beauty of worship through liturgy and the working of the earth.

I am thankful for the friends who have stepped into my life. For no matter the measure of season we are given, I always come away better for time spent in their presence.

I am thankful for my church home and those who lead. It is by their transparency and direction that I am encouraged and challenged to draw ever nearer to my Savior.

I am thankful my two furry friends, Sam and Maggie. While they bring much frustration and dirt in my life, they also bring much laughter. They love me no matter what! How wonderful is that!

In the days to come, I am looking forward to assembling and decorating our Christmas tree this year. With each ornament we hang, I will be reminded of these blessings. A large iron spike will speak to price paid for my salvation. A large round glass ball commemorates our “first Christmas together” as husband and wife. Simple ornaments that were displayed on childhood Christmas trees will bring back memories of Christmas’ past and family no longer near. Hanging nearby will be a wooden ornament in the shape of a bone (that has been chewed by more than one curious furry critter) as a reminder of the joy we have been given through our dogs. A handmade gingerbread man lovingly made by a dear friend will dangle in its own special place and carry with it warm recollections of time spent in her company.

Yes, our tree will be an astonishingly original and beautiful reminder of Christ in my life and prayerfully, in my Christmas!

Be sure and visit Grace Alone for more Thankful Thursday posts. This a wonderful opportunity to embrace gratitude and share a thankful heart.

Etchings of Christmas

2008-12-03T08:48:00.003-05:00

I am not sure why I put that little reminder, a countdown to Christmas, on my blog. I guess initially, I was excited that Christmas was fast approaching. There is something about this time of the year that I just absolutely adore. Well past the gifts, smells and cards, impressions of love, church and family are etched deep within my heart.

Today, however, it mocks me. Reminding me of everything that isn’t done this year and that really doesn’t have a hope of getting done. Granted, I know that I am slowly recovering from a nasty bug that found its way into my body. It was that nasty bug that kept me from enjoying Thanksgiving and has seemingly put my holiday mood on extended pause. It is that nasty bug that has created a “to do” list a mile long and the realization that a revamping of my plans might be in order.

I don’t like to give up my dreams that easily. Nevertheless, as I ponder my “to do’s” and prepare to tackle the tasks, in my periphery flashes the countdown. Time is quickly fleeting it screams. Reconsider your priorities and revamp the list it shouts with each passing number. However, my “Hallmark” heart isn’t ready to give up so easily. So what is a dreamer to do?

Maybe, just maybe, it is to revisit those etchings in my heart and ponder what truly carved memories so deep. Was it the love that saturated each cookie baked, every card that was written and each gift that was wrapped? Maybe it was the beauty and mystery of my family’s nativity set that sat each year upon the stereo or the evocative moments during midnight mass when lights were lit and the incense burnt or possibly the lingering beauty found within hymns like “O Come O Come Emmanuel”. Could it even be the making of the raviolis or better yet, enjoying their lusciousness with family around one table? Memories so vivid even now, my heart is set ablaze. Yet, there isn’t one thing that stands alone as a must do to have a holiday memory; rather it is an anthology of moments filling the annals of my heart.

So, the question remains, what is this dreamer to do?

Live. Live with the realization that each moment is a memory in the making. Perfection isn’t found in a multitude of things to do but rather in an attitude of the heart. Infuse the moments lived with love enough to etch a memory for eternity.

Kleenexes, coughs and quandaries...

2008-12-01T00:06:00.004-05:00

Okay, not exactly a riveting title for a post-Thanksgiving blog but yet, it is an unfortunate summation of my Thanksgiving week! One simple 4-letter word covers completely how I have felt; how I have looked and how I have sounded over this last week -- "YUCK". This rather miserable existence of the last week has left me with a few thoughts to ponder...

Who should get the bed -- the one who is sick or the one who is trying not to get sick?

Why is coughing a full body workout without any lasting benefits?

Why if I can't taste anything I eat do I still have an appetite?

Why does my attention span decrease in direct proportion to the sinus stuffiness increasing?

Okay, I realize there is nothing redeeming or edifying in this post. Chalk it up to a week of glazed staring into nothingness during the day and wide-awake coughing fits at night to removing any semblance of cognitive function. There is a bright note though....

Even without my participation in the "Black Friday" shopping events, I am sure that my Kleenex purchases alone have done wonders for the economy!

In Other Words

2008-11-25T06:57:00.005-05:00

Since I am at home and under the weather, I thought I would participate in the meme "In Other Words". One good thing is you can't catch this virus on your computer! So, stop on over to Chocolate and Coffee to check out what other people had to say.

Our lives were never meant to be lived with only one day set aside to give thanks for the many blessings we enjoy. Sadly, even now, what may have begun as a day of to give thanks has really turned into a day to gorge ourselves on yummy food, watch an interminable amount of football and prepare for the harried shopping day of "Black Friday". Are we giving thanks in any of that? I doubt it.

One day set aside will never be the answer. Neither will two days, a week, a month or even a year be enough to escape our self-absorption and truly be grateful. It must be a lifetime - a lifetime of daily "thanks living".

Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us and we are his, we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

Psalm 100:3

From the moment we are conceived, our life is a gift from our Creator. Each breath we take and each beat our heart makes is given to us wrapped with a bow of opportunity. We are not promised the next breath or beat. However, we often live our lives with the expectation that it will occur. That expectation causes us to move past the present and assume there will be a future. Like the snowball down the mountain, the assumption creates within us a drive for self-gratification. With each passing tumble down the hill, we grow larger and larger in our own eyes. Our needs, wants and dreams become what we work hard for, what we worship in our lives. Our own strength is the means that we use to succeed. We have torn the bow of opportunity to shreds and stand stark naked before our creator wrapped in nothing but our failed laurels.

In our nakedness we are humbly reminded that "we are the temple of the Living God."

Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise; give thanks to Him and praise His name.

Psalm 100:4

Each morning as we begin the gift of another day, we should enter His gates with thanksgiving. Each moment that our lungs expand with another breath of life, we should enter His gates with thanksgiving. Each beat of heart that courses the life blood through our bodies, we should enter His gates with thanksgiving. Every solitary, single moment of our lives should be filled with thanksgiving. If we were to approach each moment with a thankful heart, we would be thanks-living. The bows of opportunity would no longer be torn but rather unraveled to share the love of our Creator.

Problem with pain

2008-11-23T11:51:00.009-05:00

Pain, not exactly something we want to express our thanksgiving for. Rather, we tend to look for ways to escape its grasp on our lives. Unfortunately, even our best attempts to avoid it are useless, for into every life pain will come and reside. All of us will feel the uncomfortable sting at some point in our years here on earth. That is guaranteed. The outcome, however, is not assured.

Our Pastor has been sharing some amazing thoughts out of the book of Job for the last few weeks. If ever there was a man who felt the sting of pain in his life, Job would be it. This week the focus was on pain with the intent of re-thinking our perspective.

When we are in the throes of a full on assault into our lives, it is easy, way too easy, to get lost in your own misery. While we may not don the sackcloth and ashes, we wear our misery well. We lose ourselves in our circumstances. We overwhelm ourselves in our pain. As my Pastor said, “we want a “peace be still” moment” in the midst of our raging storm. Yet, we cling to our anguish while begging for relief. We need to consider, however, that “we don’t demand the hand of God – we follow the hand of God even when we don’t understand.” To follow means we will need to let go of what we are clinging to.

God never promised a life without pain. Nor has He ever promised deliverance from our hurts and illnesses. He has, however, promised His abiding presence and His constant love. This is where our perspective should be, in Him. His faithfulness and His strength are ours for the asking. Instead of wallowing in self pity or demanding immediate relief, we need to change our focus. God is in control. God is good. God loves each of us. When we remember those things then we see Him, we hear Him and we can cling to Him in the midst of our storm.

When our perspective is on God, our circumstances haven’t changed but our hope does. We no longer need to wear our misery or cling to our anguish. We no longer need to demand immediate release. When we see Him in the storm, we learn we are not alone. When we hear Him speak in the storm, we are comforted in our pain. When we cling to Him in the storm, we rely on His strength not our weakness. When our perspective is His, our future is promised and our hope is complete.

Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

True joy, honest prayer and a heart of thanksgiving is found in Christ not in our circumstances. The problem in pain is our selfishness. The power in our pain is Christ.

Thankful Thursday

2008-11-20T00:01:00.000-05:00

Stop on over to Thankful Thursday at Grace Alone. This an opportunity to embrace gratitude and share a thankful heart.

Life is full of unexpected moments – some with observable beauty and some with beauty veiled. Like a child’s kaleidoscope, we take what we see and hold it up to our Source of Light. Slowly, as we twist and turn, a conversion occurs right before our eyes. The pieces that first appear broken and useless transform into amazing brilliance reflecting the Light. However, for the transformation to be seen the Light is necessary. True for a kaleidoscope and true for our own hearts.

The last few days have been wonderful moments of quiet rest. These special days have allowed me to “be still and know that He is God”. Wonderfully refreshing breaks in the monotony of life where I have been able to fall at my Father’s feet and do nothing more than enjoy being in His presence. Captivating moments when I replenished what life had weakened and restored what life had stolen. I absolutely adore these times!

Today, I am savoring the moments of life – the good and the bad – the happy and the sad. Life is a gift of God and each moment He gives carries with it beauty and purpose. With each twist and turn that comes my way, I am thankful for the Source of Light who reveals the beauty in all circumstances.

How do I smell?

2008-11-19T08:38:00.007-05:00

I was simply looking at some jewelry, not really interested in anything specific and then, she caught my attention from the corner of my eye. A middle-aged woman at the perfume counter who seemingly layered one perfumed spritz after another upon her person. Even more interesting to me, was the fact that each spritz was a different fragrance. As she walked away it hit like a sledgehammer, a very strong smell of perfume. To me, it was a chaotic and not so pleasant smell that caused me to move my meandering to another location. Yet, wherever I seemed to go in that store, the smell lingered.

I began to wonder what kind of smell lingers behind me. Did I make others move away or draw them close? In my heart, I know that I should be a sweet smelling fragrance of Christ. However, I would venture to guess, that isn't always the case. In fact, I am sure of it.

On too many occasions, I am sure I resemble that woman at the fragrance counter spritzing a chaotic mixture of smells - a little criticism here; a little pride and arrogance over there; a bit of bitterness over it all. Each a strong and not so pleasant smell in their own right and when mixed together tend to leave an overpowering stench. While others are having to endure the odor I leave behind, I often become immune.

You see, I smell it when I first spray it on and then in a few minutes, it is gone. It is as if my olfactory sense has become desensitized. Other people may comment on my fragrance but I have lost all sense of it. I have become too familiar with the smell. How sad that is when the smell is actually the stench of a critical spirit, a prideful mind and a bitter heart! Unfortunately, for those around me, they have to endure my presence and the lingering after affects.

Oh, to be a sweet fragrance of Christ. A true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy aroma that others will be drawn to rather than have to suffer. A sweet fragrance that isn't found at a perfume counter but rather, at the dirty and dusty foot of the cross. A costly and priceless aroma that is given freely to all.

What fragrance are you wearing?

I Am Every Women - NOT!

2008-11-14T00:01:00.000-05:00

I am every woman. Yeah…maybe not...but I am…

Like every woman that had a dream that didn’t come true
Like every woman whose self-worth was shattered on more than one occasion
Like every woman who has been confused and frustrated by God
Like every woman whose heart continues to have an ache so deep that only God can relieve

You see, I am like every woman who has walked the long and lonely journey of infertility. Even in the Bible it says that :

There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'Enough!':
16 the grave, the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough!'

I mean really think about it. Little girls seem to gravitate to baby dolls. We pretend to be the momma loving and nurturing them as we are made to do. Those desires are deeply ingrained into our being as women.

Yet here I sit, a woman whose dream was never realized…

A woman who with every failed attempt to become pregnant felt her self-worth shatter into smaller and smaller pieces.

A woman who will always be confused as to why a 12 year old child can give birth to a healthy infant or why so many babies die unwanted and unloved and yet here I sit married for 25 years with empty arms.

A woman who has a cavernous ache so deep that many cannot see and no one but me can feel.

BUT God

It is by His touch in my life – I am restored. I am redeemed. I am healed.

My purpose – my sole purpose is to glorify Him. I will confess, many times I felt like the hemorrhaging woman, my heart bleeding hurt and anguish. Having nothing more to give – I feel like a pariah in my marriage, my family, my community. In my weakness, all that I have left within me is to reach out with my empty arms just to touch Him.

I long for my Jehovah Rapha, the God who heals. Longing for Him to redeem what only He can redeem – to restore only what He can restore – to heal and fill only what He can heal and fill. All my anguish, all my confusion, all my emptiness must be laid bare in His care. Tenderly and reluctantly I release it and leave it at His feet.

I may never have the answers. I may never have fulfillment of the dream but I have my God. While these wanting arms may stay empty – I can still lift them high to glorify the God who takes my pain and disappointment and satisifies me in unexpected and unimaginable ways!

Thankful Thursday - Nov 13

2008-11-13T03:29:00.004-05:00

Stop on over to Thankful Thursday at Grace Alone. This is a wonderful opportunity to pause in the midst of busyness that is life and be thankful.

Life is intensely complex and yet, so simple and common.

As of late my life has been a pendulum swing from joy to sorrow; from peace to frustration and from strength to weariness. I know I am not alone. This is the life we all share.

Today, I am grateful that while at times I have felt weary and worn. Like Job, I can rest assured that God's hand has never left me. He spoke the gentle whispers of reassurance and grace to my heart each and every time I opened the Word. I came parched and empty and was soaked in the Living Water and filled to overflow from the well that never runs dry.

Today, I am grateful for rest in all of its forms; refreshing sleep that renews and equips my body and mind for another day; Sabbath moments that replenish and restore a weary soul and even those five minute breaks during a very chaotic day that provide an opportunity to regroup my thoughts and intentions.

Today, I am grateful for friends and family. In their midst, I can be honest and vulnerable. I can find protection and strength in their love and encouragement. In their hearts, I find acceptance for me - the real me. No masks needed.

I am grateful for life and all its blessings and pain. In each and every moment - good and bad; painful or not - we are given choices and opportunties. It is my heart cry that the things I choose will not be for my comfort but for Christ's glory - not for my benefit but for Christ's gain.

It is my heart cry that my life, in all its moments, will be His and His alone!

Just for fun....What Christmas Tree Are You?

2008-11-09T06:14:00.003-05:00

You Are a Traditional Christmas Tree

For a good Christmas, you don't have to re-invent the wheel.

You already have traditions, foods, and special things you bring out every year.

What Christmas Tree Are You?

Can hardly believe I will be putting up my Christmas tree soon! Of course, the stores around here had theirs up well before Halloween! Something is just not right about that!

Have a wonderful day!

Saturday Selah

2008-11-08T10:34:00.010-05:00

Phew…what a week we have had. Glad it is coming to an end!

The new furnace is working well. Of course, it has been warm so haven’t had the need to enjoy it much – yet. Not complaining though, we know those days are coming!

The new hot water heater is in and after a second visit by the tech, is no longer leaking gas! Yeah! And can I tell you how incredibly quiet it is! Our last one was 15 years old and sounding like someone inside was trying to pound their way out when it was heating up! We are loving the quiet and warm water!

Of course, the most important is the update on Ms. Maggie. She is still not 100% herself but so much better than she was the other day. In a matter of minutes she went from feeling sick to down and not responding. Talk about scared. My DH saved my hysterical voicemail I left him on the way to the vet. It wasn’t one of my better moments – last night I commandeered his phone and deleted it! Now, now one else will have to hear that hysterical mess! But, back to Mags, we think she may have eaten a mushroom or something else in the yard and was poisoned. Scary! Hopefully she will be back to herself in no time and her liver functions will go down.

It has been a difficult week with so much going on and still trying to adjust with life without one of our dear family members. I was starting to feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

Isaiah 26:3-4

Getting my mind focused not on the circumstances or the irritations wasn't easy but when I did, the blessings flowed. Encouragement came from all directions - my quiet time, friends, blogs, songs. In the midst of the chaos, I knew I wasn't alone no matter how I felt.

I know that my irritations and sufferings don't have the magnitude that others are experiencing in their lives right now. Yet, through it all - no matter what it is - we are not alone. Focus on Him - He is the rock that doesn't change, shift or lie. Trust Him for the outcome.

This song has really ministered to me during the last few weeks as we have had to say goodbye to my father-in-law and deal with so many of life's irritations. This is my Saturday Selah for you...

Thankful Thursday - Nov 6

2008-11-06T10:49:00.005-05:00

Be on the lookout for mercies. The more we look for them, the more of them we will see … Better to lose count while naming your blessings than to lose blessings while counting your troubles.
Author unknown

Stop on over to Thankful Thursday at Grace Alone. This is a wonderful opportunity to pause in the midst of busyness that is life and be thankful.

Okay. I am trying to count my blessings. I am trying to find things to be thankful for. Right now, it is a difficult time. Murphy’s Law is seemingly abounding in my home and life right now!

First, I am very grateful that my husband had the opportunity to speak to my father-in-love hours before he passed away. I am grateful that we were able to travel to Ohio and spend time with family and friends. I am grateful for the man my father-in-love was. I know that many of my husband’s more endearing qualities were learned by his father’s example.

I am grateful that for my two fur balls that tear up my house, cost me lots of $ visiting the emergency vet but give the unconditional love that makes it all okay.

I am grateful for a friend who is willing to house and dog sit at the last minute. Who suffered having to “nurse” an injured dog back to health; play emergency electrician when the electricity went out and who endured one of the first cold spells with a furnace that wasn’t working.

I am grateful for the new furnace that was installed yesterday and for the warmth that is coming out of the registers.

I am grateful for the warm water that usually comes out of our faucets and for the plumber who is on the way to figure out why that isn’t happening now.

I am grateful for a good cup of strong coffee and the joy it brings to my irritated temperment!

I am thankful that God is in control of everything. In the midst of heartache and pain He is there to love and to comfort. In the midst of frustration and irritation, He is there to calm and bring peace. In the midst of turmoil and confusion, He is there to bring stability and clarity.

***update***

I had to interrupt writing this post to take my german shepherd emergently to the vet. She collapsed this morning. We don’t know why yet – please pray. The plumber is here and now we need a new hot water heater. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with all that is going on. I know that He is here but I am wrung out.

I am thankful for the prayers that will cover us!

Rest In Peace, Dad!

2008-11-03T17:57:00.007-05:00

Tears are sometimes an inappropriate response to death. When a life has been lived completely honestly, completely successfully, or just completely, the correct response to death’s perfect punctuation mark is a smile.
Julie Burchill

We have had a week of tears and smiles.

My father-in-law passed away on October 24, 2008. His health had been precarious of late but it finally seemed like he had turned the corner and was making progress toward recovery. Then quickly and quietly, he went to sleep – eternally.

Death is an odd thing.

It is no respecter of people. It comes for each of us – young, old, rich, poor, ready or not.

The important thing is to be ready.

“We fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18

Know the Truth. Live the Truth. Then the dying in the Truth isn’t a painful end but a glorious beginning.

Afraid? Of what?
To feel the spirit’s glad release?
To pass from pain to perfect peace,
The strife and strain of life to cease?
Afraid – of that?

Afraid? Of what?
Afraid to see the Savior’s face
To hear His welcome and to trace
The glory gleam from wounds of grace?
Afraid – of that?

Afraid? Of what?
A flash, a crash, a pierced heart;
Darkness, light, O Heaven’s art!
A wound of His a counterpart?
Afraid – of that?

Afraid? Of what?
To do by death what life could not –
Baptized with blood a stony plot,
Till souls shall blossom from the spot?
Afraid – of that?
E.H. Hamilton

Rest In Peace, Dad!
We love you!

May 18, 1928 - October 24, 2008

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-23T08:28:00.002-04:00

Stop on over to Thankful Thursday at Grace Alone. This is a wonderful opportunity to pause in the midst of busyness that is life and be thankful.

Pray for a friend or friends…really? I wondered if that would be a “legitimate” prayer to ask. It was the cry of my heart, though. I was lonely – surrounded by people – yet felt incredibly alone. What would God think of this prayer? In my desperation for a deeper connection with another, I did pray. I prayed for friends to journey this path of life with me. I prayed for friends who would encourage, mentor, challenge and love me. What did God think…well let’s just say He provided abundantly, more than I could ever ask or imagine. I have enjoyed the fruits of that prayer ever since and for that, I am grateful beyond measure.

I remember not long after whispering this prayer, I went on my first women’s retreat. I was new to this church and my faith and didn’t really know a soul. I, also, wasn’t sure what a women’s retreat would entail. It was scary. Scary became terrifying when the room assignments were announced. However, when I found out that I was going to be rooming with a neighbor, I was grateful. Although we didn’t really know each other more than an occasional wave hello as we entered our prospective homes, the familiarity brought comfort. However, any relief that I may have experienced was quickly dashed upon my arrival to our room. I was politely told that she had chosen someone else instead and to look for another room.

Ouch.

So, as I wandered the halls looking for a place to settle in but secretly wanting to find a way to leave and go home, I was greeted by two precious smiles and welcoming hearts. Obviously, two answers to my prayer. How else would you explain during our late night talks two of us realized we grew up in the same area (3 states away) and knew the same people! What seemed new quickly felt known and comfortable. The friendships with these two special women went beyond that weekend. I have been encouraged, mentored, challenged and loved. While our life’s journey has taken us on different paths and placed us in different locations, our hearts are forever knitted together.

Did the answer to my prayer end there with those two precious friends? Gratefully, it has not. He continues to bring people – friends – into my life to grow me into the woman He desires me to be. Some have lingered in my life while others pass in and out quickly but all bring abundant blessings.

I am thankful today for the friends I’ve known; the friends I know and the friends that are yet to be known. My heart cry now is that I can be a friend to another - to encourage, mentor, challenge and love. In essence to be an answer to another’s prayer!

In Other Words

2008-10-21T07:34:00.007-04:00

Lynette is sponsoring this week's "In Other Words" Tuesday...go there and read more thoughts on the following quote...

“Friends, if we be honest with ourselves, we shall be honest with each other.”

- George MacDonald

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend about transparency. We both were commenting about how difficult it is for us to share our life stories with others. Honesty is scary. Vulnerability can be terrifying. Laying it all out there, or even a small portion, for another’s critique scares the living daylights of me. So much so, that I think I often hide the truth of who I am, dare I say it, from even myself!

Our lives improve only when we take chances – and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
-Walter Anderson

It is hard to be honest with yourself …

· To be truthful about the pain you hold inside
· To be honest about the frustration you have over dreams not realized
· To be candid about the anger you have towards another

Admitting what is deep inside of me, is confirming that it exists. Confirmation means I need to deal with it. Ignorance allows me to overlook the issue, to hide it away. Hiding things may be easier in the moment but it is definitely not healthier in the lifetime. Eventually, what is hidden will be exposed and the omissions and lies will be even more painful to deal with than the issue itself.

If we hold on to God’s truth, we won’t be trapped by Satan’s lies.
-Author unknown

What is my truth…I am a sinner saved by grace. I have been redeemed. I have been restored. I am not perfect and will never be. Yet, I continue to strive toward perfection – a holy perfection. My life experiences are given to me for a purpose – not to stuff away because I deem them too painful, too revealing, and too convicting. When I am honest enough with myself to deal with the pain; to confront the sin and to be candid with who I am, then and only then am I able to be honest with another.

Are you ready for some football?!

2008-10-20T08:34:00.005-04:00

“Don’t worry honey, they will just think that we don’t know the game of football,” my husband whispered as we rooted for the Cleveland Browns while wearing Washington Redskins apparel. I wasn’t convinced.

Here I was at my first NFL football game, watching my two favorite teams and conflicted as to who I was really rooting for. You see, I grew up in northern Ohio. Brown’s devotion is in my blood. There is something about cheering on the underdog that keeps you devoted to them. With the Browns, you are always hoping for the big break – the next season – knowing that sooner or later, they have to get to the Superbowl.

My “love” for the Redskins came out of necessity. We lost the Browns for a few years, very painful, sad and empty years. We couldn’t give up football and since we were living in Redskins territory, we embraced them as our adopted team. They kept our devotion to the game going. We even got to experience the joys of being fans of a Superbowl Championship team! (It is okay Brownies, our day will come and what a day that will be!)

Then comes October 19, 2008 and the dilemma for these two fans. We had the opportunity to purchase tickets from a coworker of my DH. Of course, knowing that attending a NFL football game was on my list of things to do, my DH purchased the tickets without hesitation. We were excited – our two favorite teams! Could it get any better?! The dilemma…what to wear and who to root for?

In respect for the Redskins and being that we were in sitting in Fedex Field, we wore Redskins apparel on the outside. Out of devotion to the Browns, my DH wore a Brown’s hoodie underneath. I handed out "good luck" dog bones to hold onto during the game. Talk about conflicted!

Here we were cheering for both teams…go Browns…go Redskins! I know we got a few strange looks from the fans around us – cheering a Browns touchdown and wearing burgundy and gold. (Hence the statement above that my DH whispered in my ear.) But to be quite honest, I think I gave a few strange looks back….to the guy with the painted face, the bad wig cut in a mohawk with paraphernalia all over his body….the young man in front of me who appeared to be the splitting image of John Belushi in a bad “Animal House” moment…the young lady behind us who registered more profanity than an old drunken sailor…yep, definitely not Hallmark moments but memorable nonetheless.

So, another item to check off my “bucket list”!

Now, if we could just get those Browns to the Superbowl!

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-16T08:32:00.003-04:00

Stop on over to Thankful Thursday at Grace Alone. This is a wonderful opportunity to pause in the midst of busyness that is life and be thankful.

I know that I have stated it before on my blog that I tend to be a pessimist by nature. You know the kind – it is the “glass half empty” mindset. In my reflection of joy – holy joy, I am being persuaded that I need to really work on that attitude. While I often tease my more optimistic friends of their “Pollyanna” attitudes, I am grateful for their gentle reminders that there is positive in all my negatives!

Therefore, today I am…

Thankful that I don’t have to rely on the fickleness of my circumstances and my emotions to bring joy into my life. Even in the most painful and irritating circumstances, I have experienced and will continue to experience the joy of the Lord. It is that joy that has motivated me and kept me going in the midst of all that was and is difficult.

Thankful that I have had friends who have allowed holy joy to overwhelm them. By the overflow of their lives, I have been mentored. Unknowingly, they have been a godly influence in my life.

Thankful that even though my natural instinct is to be negative – by the renewing of my mind – I am given the ability to change my attitude. As I continue to grow and mature, the fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:22) will become more evident in my life.

Thankful for the beauty observed in the change of seasons and the gentle reminder that what is now is not what will always be.

Joy is prayer
Joy is strength
Joy is love
Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls.
Mother Teresa

Just for fun - Apple Picking

2008-10-14T17:22:00.008-04:00

It was a beautiful Saturday. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. Three of us were sitting outside of Starbucks wondering what we should do with ourselves in between sips of our java delights and bites of our almonds, pumpkin scone (YUMMO) and multigrain rolls with almond butter. Shopping was a possibility. A road trip to the mall or IKEA or Wegman’s is usually a pretty good alternative but today no one seemed to be excited.

The pondering continued.

What else could we do….it is Saturday…it is nice…it is October…apples…let’s go apple picking! Woohoo! Let the adventure begin.

We were off. I was Diva behind the wheel with BRAVE ONE riding shotgun and the QUIET ONE navigating in the rear. We had fun, laughing and singing along with a 70’s Rock and Roll compilation cd.

I must break here and say, I am truly not “old” enough to know these songs – I am just a sage spirit when it comes to Rock and Roll. LOL!

We were having fun - at least two of us were. “The Quiet One” smiled a lot or grimaced a lot. It was hard to tell what that expression really was on her face!

After a few traffic jams and about an hour and a half we arrived at the orchard along with a good portion of the population in this area. In other words, it was busy. We got some bags. We got the official apple picking pole and off we went with a map and not a clue.

For those who don’t know me, I grew up in the city. Apples came from the grocery store – usually a shiny red, yellow or green. Shades of red, red with green, red with yellow, green and green with red weren’t options. Oh yeah, and what was that spotty black stuff on the apples? I picked and tossed and picked some more. Eventually, I found a few - note the picture of a few of my finds!

The "Brave One" grabbed the apple picking pole and off she went in search of the illusive, perfect apple. She attacked the upper branches with military precision. She was efficient, effective and downright scary with that pole! She took out a plethora of apples and a few innocent apple pickers (only teasing- the Diva and the Quiet One aren't so innocent).

The “Quiet One” she was in a word QUIET. While I knew that she had an issue with flying critters – I didn’t know that the orchard would be chock full of little gnat like bugs. Needless to say, I think she spent the day looking more like this

However, to be true to the fashionista that she is…instead of a brown paperbag it was her colorful pink shirt wrapped around her head. Oh, I wish I had a picture! Darn the luck! I left the camera at home. I think she didn’t have much to say because she was afraid of inhaling a gnat like critter or two. Although, once she did point purposefully at the tree and said with such royal grace “I want that one, right there”. You would have thought she had a tiara on her head instead of a pink shirt! But we love her and the “Brave One” acquired that apple just for her!

Heavy laden with our pickings, we succumbed and paid WAY TOO MUCH for apples. Now, what am I to do with them! One can only eat so much applecake and applesauce!

Oh well, our Saturday mission was accomplished we picked apples and more importantly, had fun doing it!

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-09T07:21:00.007-04:00

Stop on over to Thankful Thursday at Grace Alone. This is a wonderful opportunity to pause in the midst of busyness that is life and be thankful.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Cor 4:7-9 NIV

Why is it when life hits, it hits hard? Is it that “murphy’s law” thing, when one thing goes wrong, it all goes wrong? Sometimes, when I am going through one of those seasons (and yes, thankfully, up to now they have only been seasons) it is hard to find things to be thankful for. For me, it is a natural response to focus on the negatives. I have the unfortunate tendency to see the “glass half empty”.

But God.

When I accepted His Grace in my life, I was given a perpetual present - a gift of all-surpassing power. It is a gift that gives when I have no more to give and allows me the strength to go forward in the midst of life. I love the definition of grace in the Quest Bible:

“God’s amazing gift of forgiveness of sin and power to live with dignity in the present and hope for the future.”

When things are difficult, it can be hard to live with dignity in the here and now. I try so hard to be perfect. I want the perfect attitude, perfect relationships, perfect home, perfect body, perfect job but perfection is impossible for me. If I stopped there in my attempts of perfection, where would be my hope?

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9 NIV

My hope is in God’s grace! He can and is the only one who can make my weakness perfect. My hope and my future rely on Him and only Him. My circumstances may be difficult but with God’s grace they will not leave me crushed, despaired, abandoned or destroyed.

Now that is something to be thankful for!

Manna Monday

2008-10-06T11:13:00.010-04:00

This week's Monday Manna Kristen at Exemplify is asking us to pick a verse from Psalm 139 and expound on. It is an amazing Psalm - one of my favorites. It was difficult to choose just one verse but this is what came to me this morning.

You hem me in – behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Psalm 139:5

It was cold and lonely.

Well, the truth was, my surroundings were neither but it was my heart that felt this way. At the moment, the pain was palpable and wrenching. No one really knew what hurt was pulsing through my body. The intensity within was difficult to mask but I did it and did it well. No one could see past the illusion that I painted of myself. Or, so I thought.

I was there in the bitterness - stuck in a self-imposed cage of anguish. I was locked in my own misery. I created a façade to present to others and allowed the "truth" to consume me from within. In the distance I heard the rattling of keys.

Freedom. Truth.

The realization that I was not alone and my hurt was seen by another was overwhelming. The locks that bound me were opened and tossed aside. The intensity of hurt was overcome by the strength of Truth - the REAL TRUTH. I began to understand that the illusion I created of myself may have fooled others but it did not fool my God. The lies that I had allowed to bind my heart were broken by the Truth of my Creator.

As I read Psalm 139, my heart is overwhelmed. I am known by my Creator. He was in my past and He is in my future. His hand is upon me. I cannot escape. I cannot hide. He sees me – all of me – and He still loves me.

WOW!

Color Your World

2008-10-03T19:57:00.003-04:00

“We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life – those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength. Yet our spiritual selfishness always wants repeated moments on the mountain.”
“My Utmost for His Highest” , Oswald Chambers

As I read this quote, I was irritated.

I love mountaintop experiences. It is easy for me to get inspired when the surroundings are beautiful. These are often the moments when I feel the strongest – the smartest! I am on that spiritual high where nothing can defeat me.

I adore sunrises. They are beautiful awakenings to my soul. In the warmth and brightness, I am surrounded by energy and clarity. The clamor that grows as the day advances is beautifully quiet. I am empty ready to be filled.

Am I really made for the ordinary valleys?!

After a little less indignation and a little more introspection, I’m being persuaded that Mr. Chambers may have had it right.

Much of my life is lived in the dailies, not much excitement here. Get up – let the dogs out – let the dogs in - make the coffee - drink the coffee – shower - get dressed - go to work - sit in traffic – work – sit in traffic - clean the house - make the dinner - feed the dogs – let the dogs out – let the dogs in – read – pray – fall asleep….and so on and so forth. It may not be in the same order but it really doesn’t change much.

Same stuff just a different day.

I don’t want this. I want beauty. I want awakening. I want a spiritual high. What I have is the ordinary – the usual.

Is it selfish to want something with a little more color and a little less gray? It could be.

“We see His glory on the mountain, but we never live for his glory there.”

Oswald Chambers

Painful but true.

Life is lived in the daily moments not on the mountaintops or watching the sunrises. I see God in the beauty of those moments. I experience God in the intensity of those experiences. The challenge is to live for God in the gray of the day - to live in such a way to be the color of Christ in an ordinary world.

Thankful Thursday

2008-10-02T20:25:00.007-04:00

I can hardly believe that it is Thursday already! Boy, this last week has been a whirlwind of time, emotion, exhaustion and reflection. You name it - we have experienced it. The journey isn't over but we are making it through.

I am thankful for the peace of God that exceeds anything I can understand. The peace that guards my heart and mind especially in stressful moments when both are overwhelmed.

I am thankful for the strength that comes from Christ when I have no more to give.

I am thankful for God's Word that comforts, challenges and corrects me every time I read it.

I am thankful that we have been given more time with my father-in-law. While the end is coming near, he has been given the gift to say goodbye to his family - on his terms.

I am thankful that my mother is doing well - physically and mentally.

I am thankful for my sister who opened her home to allow my DH and me to stay at a moments notice. She has the gift of hospitality!

I am thankful for my friend who watched our dogs while we were gone - suffered through the rain and the muddy dogs. What a blessing!

I am thankful for friends (those I know and those I have yet to meet in person) who have prayed and continue to pray for my father in law, my husband and our family. The prayers have meant a lot and are truly appreciated. We have felt each and every one!

There is so much to be thankful for! This is but a tiny list. I am ever grateful for this simple reminder to stop amidst the busyness of life; take a breath and be thankful.

At the Well

2008-09-29T15:07:00.004-04:00

Today, Heather is our At the Well Host. She is talking about Spiritual Dryness and poses these questions to us today:

Have you noticed a pattern of when you find yourself
spiritually dry?

What do you do to move quickly through that season of dryness?

When I have found myself in dry and thirsty times, it is often because I have distanced myself from God - the Well of Living Water. Frequently, those times occur, not because I am doing something bad or blatantly wrong but rather because I have allowed the tasks and demands of the day crowd out God.

In my busyness, I miss out on opportunities to quench my thirst. These gentle nudgings are trying to draw my attention back to the Well. Yet often, I allow myself to get distracted to the point of ignorance. Before I realize my desperate need, I am already too weak and frustrated to even respond to a gentle nudge.

To avoid this extreme thirst, my refreshment and strength requires continual replenishment at the Well of the Living Water. My vessel is a weak one that is made of dry, cracked clay.

Broken and fractured, it requires repeated filling – throughout the day, every day.

It is a constant surrender of my will at the Well.

What does that mean practically?

Well, I do my best each moment of the day to remember than nothing is by chance or coincidence. God has placed me where I am for a reason. It is my responsibility to be discerning. It is my obligation to pray continually, surrender always and grow through study of the Word.

Obviously, some days are dryer than others.

Hopefully, as each day passes, I draw ever closer and remain that much nearer to my Well of Living Water.

Thankful Thursday

2008-09-25T07:33:00.003-04:00

Change.

Life is full of it.

Some we want.

Others we don't.

Some we have the ability to influence.

Most we don't.

Yet, we are called to be "thankful in all circumstances" (1Thess 5:18).

So, this Thankful Thursday comes at a time of change that I can't really influence.

I am thankful that my husband had a father who raised him to be hardworking, honest and loving.

I am thankful for the doctors and nurses that are now taking care of my father in law while he is in the ICU.

I am thankful that we have employers that are willing to allow us time off to travel to be with my husband's father.

I am thankful for a co-worker that was willing to forfeit a flight to visit her parents and for a boss who will reimburse her any lost dollars, so that I could travel with my husband.

I am thankful for a friend who is willing to come to my home and take care of my two crazy dogs - she knows what she is getting into and she still wants to do it.

I am thankful that while we are visiting my father in law we will also have time to visit my 84 year old mother.

So, while I can't change the fact that age has brought failing health and hard changes. I can still find moments to thankful in the midst. Thanks for the reminder!

God-Adventures

2008-09-22T12:44:00.003-04:00

Whenever my DH and I go on a trip, I tend to be the navigator. I guess it probably comes from my more organized, compulsive personality that drives me to have the trip planned out from beginning to end. The challenge and excitement for me is to get from point A to point B with minimal stops and in the fastest time. Nothing is more unsettling and confusing than when the map doesn’t meet the reality.

Yesterday in church we were reminded of the story of the Hebrew slaves escaping the bondage of Egypt. It is baffling to me that I can read a passage in the Bible for the millionth time and still see something that I had never seen before!

God didn’t lead them on the shortest, most direct route (Exodus 13:17). Instead, knowing his children, He took them the long way. It was a way that wouldn’t make sense on human terms. It was a way that they would never have expected.

His way was confusing. Especially when the chariots of Pharaoh’s army were approaching and it appeared that the Hebrew people had nowhere to go. They were feeling hopeless and that left them angry, frustrated and fearful.

Been there – done that and I have the T-shirt to prove it. How about you?

We want directions – God wants faith
We end up in confusion – God wants faith
We want to do something – God wants faith

Yet, Moses told them to “do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still.” (Exodus 14:13-14) They didn’t need a map. They didn’t need the battle plan. They needed faith.

We all need faith.

We need to believe in the God who rescues, redeems and rewards.

We need to remember whose we are and be prepared to live a life of God-adventures! The twists and turns may never make sense as we travel them. Have faith! No matter how extraordinary the adventure is, it pales in comparison to the reward waiting at the destination!

Tag - I'm It!

2008-09-19T07:49:00.008-04:00

Beth over at http://theaccidentalpharisee.blogspot.com/ tagged me to share Seven Random things about me and then tag 7 more bloggy friends.

This is exciting! MY VERY FIRST TAG in the bloggy world! YAHOO! Thanks Beth for thinking of me!

The hard part is thinking of 7 random things about me that are remotely worth writing down and to think of 7 people to tag (I am new to blogging)!

I won the District Spelling Bee by correctly spelling the word “egregious” but heard the bell early at the next competition when I misspelled “jiggly”! Truth be told I wanted to go see the movie Coma (showing my age here) with friends and was happy to get out of the competition early. After seeing the movie, should have stayed in the competition.

My all time favorite meal is my mother’s ravioli and meatballs with olive salad from DeViti’s Deli, fresh Italian bread and mom’s cheesecake for dessert. YUMMO!

One thing I want to do more than anything is go on a trip to Tuscany Italy and see where my family roots began and to experience all that it is.

I love the beach and one of the best Christmas’ I ever had was when we lived on Guam – after opening gifts, sharing a meal and calling family back in the states we spent the day at the beach! Wonderful!

I don’t like bugs. Any bugs. Big bugs, little bugs, crawling bugs, flying bugs – BLECH!

A favorite treat of mine is fresh, hot, funnel cake – straight up with powdered sugar.

A great morning would be two cups of strong coffee, lots of sunshine, a kiss from my hubby and some “Hoops and Yoyo” for a laugh!

Okay, I know that it is supposed to be seven but I can only think of one that might even know me and would probably do this!

The Quiet One at http://isunjiisat.blogspot.com/

2008-09-18T07:38:00.008-04:00

Okay, this was a portrait of me this week.

Yep! I have been one BIG CRAB!

It just seems to be how things have gone no matter how good my intentions were first thing in the morning...I have been crabby at work, crabby at home, crabby in the car, crabby in the store. I have bet I have even been crabby while I slept!

Obviously, today I really need to work on an attitude adjustment and what a better way to start that being thankful!

So here is what I am thankful today for...

I am thankful that I have a Lord who loves me flaws, claws and all.

I am thankful that I have a husband who loves me even when I am not the most pleasant person to be around.

I am thankful that I have friends who love me enough to listen to my rants, encourage the positive points and pray with and for me through the negatives.

I am thankful that I am able to work and have an employer who was willing to make adjustments to accomodate me.

I am thankful that I have two dogs who bring more joy than frustration (even if sometimes it is hard to see past the ink and destruction).

I have so much more to be thankful for. My life is full of the Grace of God! It has been a problem of focus for me this week.....

"Don't gaze at your problems while you only glance at the Lord. Get life in focus. Gaze at the Lord-behold Him-and your problems won't cause you to grow weary and lose heart."

Joni Eareckson Tada "Seeking God"

So today, I am going to change my gaze! Thankful Thursday was a good way to start!

As a child

2008-09-14T14:00:00.004-04:00

Today, I was able to worship through the eyes of a child.

Just two rows ahead of me in church was the cutest little boy, probably about 4 years old. He had inquisitive eyes, a perpetual smile and an ability to connect with everyone around him without having to say one word. He was beautiful. He also had Down's syndrome.

I was moved by that little boy. As the service was coming to an end, we were singing the chorus to a very familiar praise and worship song...

We cry Holy, Holy, Holy

Is the Lord

I looked up to see this little boy singing with passion; moving his whole body; raising his little arms high and smiling that effervescent smile. He was living fully in that moment. He was worshipping with a passion that brought tears to my eyes.

Passion: a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm or desire for anything

That little boy was full of passion. He sang with passion. He smiled with passion. He danced with passion. He was a living reminder of how I should live and worship the King of Kings - with the passion of a child!

Guilty as Inked!

2008-09-13T08:55:00.013-04:00

Okay, these two look innocent enough but don't let that fool you. One of them has been, dare I say, busy. The "up to no good" kind of busy. Can you tell which one?

It was a day like most any other, went to work, came home, fed and entertained the dogs but since my DH (dear husband) was out of town I thought I would enjoy dinner out with a few girlfriends. While I was gone, the devil in disguise, had some fun in my house!

I knew I was in for trouble when I had some resistance opening the front door on my return home. It was as if someone had barricaded themselves behind the door - trying to keep me out and their devilish deeds hidden.

Wish I had pictures but honestly, at the moment, I was a bit overwhelmed! Chewed paper everywhere! Bottles of hand sanitizer, pens, pieces of chewed magazine, a half eaten Bible and a puddle of blue ink on the hard wood floors! And two oblivious dogs who were just happy I was home...at least happy for the moment.

Now, it is a good thing my friend came home with me. Good thing for Sam and Maggie. She was able to quickly scoot them outside. Safely getting them away from the wrath that was brewing. I was twirling into my own storm of epic proportions!

How do you clean blue ink off of hard wood floors!

How do you clean blue ink off of carpet?

With this....

Thank goodness, for all involved, this wonderful stuff cleaned it up without any residual staining! No real elbow grease needed! Yeah!

The investigation was on. Who was the culprit behind this dastardly deed?

Was it this guy?

No "blue evidence" on him. You are safe Sam! Good dog!

Well, that leaves this one...

Looks innocent enough, but wait, what is that...dare I say GUILTY!

September 11th

2008-09-11T00:01:00.002-04:00

Do you remember where you were seven years ago? On a "normal" day, I am sure the answer would be no but there are those watershed moments that are forever etched into our memories and souls. Since 2001, September 11th will never be a "normal" day - it is one of those watershed points deeply ingrained into my being.

Like most people in the United States, our lives were touched by the events of that day. Like most military members, we did and would feel the effects of that day in our lives for a very long time. Like those who survived the WTC and the Pentagon, our hearts will forever hold within a gratefulness and a sadness that only those who were in or had a loved one in those buildings or airplanes can fathom.

On that beautiful morning, my dear husband called me from his office in the Pentagon asking if I knew anything about the plane crashing into the World Trade Tower. I was enjoying a quiet morning catching up on some reading and hadn't had the television on. So while we were talking, I turned on the news to see what was being reported. As the channel came on, I watched, in disbelief, as the second plane hit. I remember the feeling of horror. Before, I could say much more than "both Towers were hit", my DH quickly said he had to go. As I hung the phone up, I turned the TV down and began to pray. Little did I know that the prayers I began to say would be for people I knew, people I loved and for me.

You see, it wasn't long before I looked up at the TV screen to see a very familiar sight. It wasn't the horrors of New York but it was a burning Pentagon that I saw. It wasn't people running from the World Trade Towers but people running from the Pentagon.

What do you do in those moments when you have no answers? When you are powerless to think, say or do anything that will change the immediate circumstances?

I was in that moment, a quiet chaos, of sorts. My mind was trying to figure out where my husband's office was in relation to where the plane hit. I could never have figured it out on a good day, much less at this moment! I was alone - very alone.

But, God.

In the midst of quiet chaos, the prayers I had been praying came full circle. I was surrounded by a peace that didn't make sense but that guarded my heart and mind (Philippians 4:7). The anxiousness I felt just moments before was gone. Then the phone rang. It was my husband letting me know that he was alive but was not leaving the building and not sure when he would come home. As we hung up the phone, I found comfort in the quiet that surrounded me. The chaos in me was gone. I wasn't alone - I was never alone.

Thank God!

So, as I remember the events of this day, I have much to be thankful for. I have a God who loves me and will never leave me. A God who hears and answers prayers! A God who is in control of all things. A God who is unchanged, unmoved and undefeated!

Never

2008-09-09T14:42:00.004-04:00

I am slowly starting to realize a word that should probably have a very limited part in my vocabulary – NEVER. It seems like whenever I have used that word in order to express my intentions, I will at some time in the future have to recant.

For instance, many moons ago there were two young, poor newlyweds from the great state of Ohio who decided to come to the Washington DC area for their honeymoon. I know, sad as it sounds, it was practical for two young kids with no cash. Washington is a city with lots to see and do for free. Anyway, off we ventured to our nation’s capital and for reasons too numerous to mention now, in less than 24 hours we high tailed it out of that city back to the safety and security of Ohio. More than once, as we traveled the road back home, the words came out of my mouth, “we will never come back to DC again.”

Fast forward a few years, My dear husband and I were stationed in Guam. Orders had arrived and my DH was calling to let me know what exciting location we were going to. The conversation went something like this:

DH: I got my orders.
Me: Great…are we going somewhere exciting? Europe?
DH: Not exactly.
Me: Back to the states? Somewhere warm, I hope!
DH: Kinda
Silence...
Me: Wait a minute…we aren’t…we couldn’t…we wouldn’t…not DC?!
DH: Hey, how did you guess!
Silence...

Yep, wasn’t supposed to ever come back to DC for a visit! I had even planned that if we ever needed to travel around DC via I-95, I would research a route that would take us as far away from the metro and the beltway as possible. Needless to say, living there wasn’t even a consideration in my mind. Want to hear funniest part of the story? Almost 13 of our 20+ years in the military were spent in the DC area!

I am warning you, be careful when you say never!

Too many times, that word has found its way into my vocabulary.

I would never say that.

I would never do that.

I would never go there.

Each and every time, I did the opposite.

I said it.

I did it.

I went there.

Why? Obviously each time had its own rhyme or reason but often it was because I thought I was in control of the situation. However, in reality, I am rarely in control.

It is a lesson that I am learning – slowly, very slowly. As a Christian, the “nevers” of my life should only be limited to the things God has told me not to do. My “nevers” should not be my own personal limitations on person, place or time. If God chooses me to live somewhere, who am I to say never? If God directs me to minister to someone, however unlikely in my eyes, who am I to say never? If God says now, who am I to say never?

2008-09-08T11:54:00.002-04:00

I love giving gifts. To me there is nothing more special than to see a surprise on someone’s face because they were thought of and remembered in a special way. Unexpected, undeserved gifts are the best ones. Those “out of the blue” moments when you feel cherished and remembered become etched in your heart.

The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.
1 Timothy 1:14

Paul experienced the most wonderful, unexpected and undeserved gift of all – the grace of our Lord. A gift he received, when he least deserved it.

Today our lives are filled with assumptions and expectations. We expect so much from ourselves and others. Yet, we can only earn what is produced by the work of our own hands – faulty, flawed and inadequate as that may be. We don’t earn a true gift – it is given, freely.

Forgiveness, redemption, strength, dignity, hope and love are all wrapped up and presented to each of us as the True Gift of Grace straight from the hand of God.

Undeserved, unmerited.

A gift of amazing opportunity handed to each of us when we least deserve it.

Accept it. Cherish it. Open it! Above all, share it!

It is the gift that keeps on giving! Abundantly!

Frustrating Friday

2008-09-05T18:26:00.003-04:00

Why are computers so darn frustrating?

I purchased a new computer program with the hopes of being able to do some creative things with it to enhance my blog. I was excited to see all that it would help me do. Boy, am I disappointed!

You see, my dear husband loaded half the program onto the computer and in the midst of the process our CD/DVD drive disappeared. Well, sort of. The computer still thinks it is there but it doesn’t work. So now, I can’t use it. I can’t download the rest of the program and it appears we can’t fix it. From what I gather, this happens a lot with MS Vista.

Hmm…Mr. Gates can you use some of your billions to fix this problem!

Of course, my husband reminds me that he wanted a MAC. Maybe he was right!

To make matters more frustrating, I thought we had purchased an in-home service plan when we got this computer but after waiting 62 minutes for a real live person to answer at the Best Buy service center...guess what...we need to take it to the store. So, the 62 minutes I spent on hold could have been spent taking the computer to the store! Oh well. We will see what the Geek Squad will have to say! Hopefully, they will know how to fix this mess and quickly. Otherwise, I am left in mid program limbo and you won’t see any fancy new things on my blog.

Ho hum!

Thanks for listening. Hope your Friday is going better!

2008-09-04T13:33:00.003-04:00

I am thankful for so many things.....

For my sweet hubby who works hard to provide for his family and who loves me no matter what!
For my two furry, four-legged wonders who always provide more laughter and frustration than any one person can endure!
For sweet friends who put up with my crankiness when I am hungry, tired and just plain irritated! They continue to pour encouragement and acceptance into my life!
For the sweet sunshine that feels like a warm embrace from God!

Lord, thank you for the sweetness you bring to my life. You continue to surprise me with Your Amazing Grace and Abundant Love in the most unexpected places! May I never miss the opportunity to see Your hand working in my life.

AHA!

2008-08-29T04:38:00.014-04:00

Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.
Joshua 1:8

I may be slow. Of course, it is 3:30 in the morning…yes, I said AM not PM! I am just starting to enjoy my first cup of coffee so the neurons aren’t functioning at full capacity but I just had an “AHA” moment that I thought I would share.

I love how I can read the same words, the same sentences and the same chapters in the Bible more than once and experience something different each time. Often, what I experience speaks directly to a need or concern in my life at the moment. God is so good like that!

So, this morning I am reading the first chapter in Joshua. Poor Joshua, shaking in his boots! I can’t imagine what it must have been like for him. Moses was dead. I am sure the people were muttering amongst themselves “now what are we going to do”. Joshua was probably wondering, too. Then God speaks, “I choose you, Joshua. I chose Moses and as I stood by him, I will stand by you." Talk about an “AHA” moment! That is more than a light bulb going off! Joshua was center stage with the spotlight focused intently on him. I think I would have been shaking in my boots. But God knew that! He always does.

So, lovingly and repeatedly, He reminds Joshua to be strong and courageous. He also reminds him that he won’t be walking this trail alone. God has got his back! And then, Joshua is given instructions on what he needs to do. He needed to encounter The Word. The Book of the Law (which at that time was probably the Pentateuch – the first 5 chapters of the Bible) needed to be experienced three ways. He needed to “Speak It” – “Think It” – “Do It”. When Joshua carefully obeyed the Book of the Law then he would be prosperous and successful.

AHA!

This morning God spoke to me. He said “Girl, life doesn’t have to be as tough as you make it – really, it doesn’t. If you would just listen to me; remember what I say and then for goodness sake, do it, life would be so much more." Okay, He didn't really say those exact words but it was close. When it comes to The Word I need to be like Joshua. I need to SPEAK IT; THINK IT and DO IT.

I realize that this is probably not be something "new" for you. It may not be something revelatory but it was my “AHA” reminder for today.

SPEAK IT – THINK IT – DO IT

Did I say it was 3:30am? Going to get more coffee!

Beautiful Feet

2008-08-28T04:00:00.001-04:00

How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, “Your God reigns!”
Isaiah 52:7

Do you have beautiful feet?

I have never really given this much thought. Okay, that is only partially true. I have always considered my feet more “beautiful” than my siblings because they are afflicted with “The BIG TOE”. It is almost two inches longer than the rest of the toes. I wish I had a picture to show you how awful it is. Truly, it is sad. They have to purchase shoes to accommodate the toe not their feet. Luckily, I don’t have that affliction – mine are “perfectly” arranged in descending order from the biggest to smallest. But, I digress.

The real question is: do others think you have beautiful feet? When you step into someone else’s path whether for a moment or for a lifetime – are you bringing good news; are you proclaiming peace; are you bringing good tidings; are you proclaiming salvation? If you can answer yes to all of the above, then you do have beautiful feet. However, not all of us are so well pedicured.

Last summer I went for my very first professional pedicure. It was wonderful for me but not so much for the poor young lady who had to work hard to remove the callous that should have been my heel. It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t pretty. When she was done (and probably exhausted), my feet however were beautiful and very, very soft.

Sometimes, like my feet - my attitude needs some “professional” attention. There are times when I walk into someone’s path that I don’t bring good news, peace, good tidings or anything else even remotely positive. Instead, I am hard, calloused and complaining. Those are the moments when my walk doesn’t reflect my witness. Those are the moments when my feet are stepping out of God’s will and not in step with His footprints. So, what am I supposed to do then?

A little soaking in the Word – a little scraping the callous off my heart and a little massaging of some sweetness over my tongue. After a little “professional” attention my attitude and my walk should be in step with His. Then, I will really have beautiful feet.

Stop staring at the ceiling...

2008-08-27T11:10:00.003-04:00

“Unfortunately, at some point in our lives, most of us stop asking questions and start making assumptions. We stop gazing at the stars and start staring at the ceiling.”
Mark Batterson

When did I cross that line? When did I stop looking at life with wonder and amazement and began to stare at self imposed boundaries?

What if Noah believed the weather reports and stopped building the ark because no rain was being forecasted? Can you imagine if Abraham stopped counting the stars and started focusing on the years that passed by without an heir? What if Moses walked past the burning bush oblivious to the fact that it wasn’t actually burning up? Life would be different for them and for me, I am sure.

Yet, when I started to make assumptions, when I started to live in my left brain more than my right, I created a box that defined me. Life became limited. The endless opportunities that God had placed before me were obscured by my self-imposed definitions. A restricted life is not what God had called me to. Especially not a life that is self-limited rather than God-limited.

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

By faith Noah built the ark. By faith Abraham became a father of a nation. By faith Moses led his people out of bondage. They were ordinary men who lived extraordinary lives by believing in God. They were not boxed in by their own assumptions. Living life by assumptions is living it by what I “guess” will happen. It doesn’t trust in God. It trusts in me. Assumptions lead to an incredibly small and ineffective life!

I remember a few years back seeing this toy, it was a box that when it was touched a voice would cry out “get me out of here”. That is where I have found myself on one too many times, stuck in a box of my own making – screaming “get me out of here”. As simple as it is, the ceilings and walls will come down when I stop trusting in me and start believing in God. Then I can stop staring at the ceiling and start gazing at the stars.

Sunrises at the Beach!

2008-08-23T21:38:00.006-04:00

There is something beautiful about sunrises at the beach.

Add some fresh, strong brewed coffee and I would have to say it is pretty close to “heavenly”.

That is what I will miss the most about my vacation. As a perpetual early riser during the rest of the year, it isn’t surprising I was often the first one up during the vacation. In the quietness that enveloped the house, I would tiptoe around and begin to brew a pot of coffee. Once I had my cup in hand, it was time to venture out onto the balcony that overlooked the ocean.

It doesn’t surprise me that Christ often went out pray at that time of day.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.
Mark 1:35

Even now, I can hear the echo of the surf pounding the shore. I can feel the warm breeze that always seemed to be blowing. I can see the sun peeking over the edge of the endless ocean and shining it’s brilliance over the crystal blue sea.

I heard...
I felt...
I saw...

GOD

While I may not have the same experience here at home…I do have the same God. I can hear Him. I can feel Him. I can see Him. He is with me wherever I am. When I awake, wherever that may be, He will be waiting.

How awesome is that!

Fun with "Fay"

2008-08-21T08:25:00.007-04:00

Still "living it up" at the beach in South Carolina.

I love the beach even with the bands of a Tropical Storm named "Fay" passing by today. The surf is pounding. The wind is strong (strong enough to push a chair into the deep end of our pool).

A few minutes on the beach and you feel sandblasted and exfoiliated in a matter of minutes.

As the sun rose this morning, it was mezmerizing. A glowing red ball between strands of dark clouds. How does that rhyme go? "Red sky at night - a sailor's delight...Red sky in the morning - sailors take warning".

Power and majesty of God's creation shines through the clouds; roars through the waves and shouts in the wind.

It is a bounty of beauty at the beach.

Did I say I love the beach!?

Beach time!

2008-08-19T08:01:00.005-04:00

This blog has been temporarily interrupted by a "week at the beach"!

Sun yesterday...and more sun today! Fresh shrimp - sweeter than anything you could ever imagine!

And can anything be more relaxing than the sounds of crashing waves and warm sand between your toes? I don't think so!

I will be checking in periodically and posting some "beach insights" soon!

Off to the beach!

The SCREAM

2008-08-14T11:17:00.004-04:00

It was awful.

It was horrifying.

It was terrifying.

IT WAS RIDICULOUS!

Eleven women alone in a beautiful log cabin in the woods of West Virginia. Eleven strong, Godly women…okay, maybe ten strong and Godly women and one “Chicken Little” thrown in for a good laugh!

I am always happy to give joy to someone.

So, here we are all tucked into our beds for the night. Eleven rhythmic breathing women, enjoying a rest in the midst of a busy retreat – then it happens.

The SCREAM!

So, what is a girl to do!

Two of us were in the great room – everyone else tucked safely behind doors. As my heart was racing, was it a dream? Did anyone else hear it? Where did that blood curdling shriek come from? My roommate was also startled awake…so I knew that I didn’t imagine "the SCREAM". No one else moved. No doors were opened…no one checking to see if anyone else was awake or okay. What was going on?

Jenn, wisely whispered, “why is no one else moving or awake?” “I don’t know – where did it come from, “ I whispered back. As we determined it must have been downstairs, Jenn bravely offered to check it out.

As a side note, Jenn was in the military. I wasn’t. At least, she had some training. She's "the brave one".

So, off she went down the stairs and I trailed ever not-so-bravely behind her. Then she stopped on the landing before turning the final corner into the basement and turned to look at me. In the bravest whisper I have ever heard she said, “if I scream – RUN!” And on that note, I stepped back 2 or 3 steps to prepare to get away! She rounded the corner….no screams, so I creeped ever slowly after her. Nothing! Doors and windows locked. The two girls in the bedroom downstairs – sleeping! So, we crept back upstairs and back to our prospective sleeping spots.

Eyes closed but ears on overtime!

Would you believe that, as if on cue, it started to storm. It was right out of a horror film. Large windows that cast eerie shadows as the lightning lit up the dark sky. Two girls, still wondering why no one else heard “the SCREAM” and one girl, rewinding every horror movie she ever saw as a teenager. WAIT, what was that?!

Quietly creaking floors from upstairs, as if someone was trying to softly maneuver around. It was dark, we couldn’t see the loft. We didn’t hear any doors open. What is a girl to do!

Why, go wake up a friend, of course!

So, the “brave one” and the “not-so-brave one” jump out of their prospective sleeping spots and slowly walk up the staircase.

The creaking and shuffling continue. We slowly, SLOWLY creep up the steps – “brave one” first. (Remember, I had to leave a few steps in between us in case she screamed and I needed to run.) The “brave one” is at the top of the stairs, she musters one last look my way and then turns the corner…she screams, “Oh no, it’s Isunji!”

With the “Oh”, I had already ran back 3 steps and with the “it’s Isunji” I ran to the top where the three of us were laughing hysterically. Okay, maybe only two of us, Isunji was still recovering from the fright of hearing someone creep up the stairs toward her.

Then a few more ladies woke up – nervous laughter can be rather loud at 2am.

We found out that “the SCREAM” was a friend having a nightmare.

We also found out that this log cabin isn’t insulated between floors but it is between walls. So they all knew who had the nightmare; that she prayed with her roommate and that she was sleeping soundly. We didn’t.

Top 5 Lessons learned….

1. Don’t watch horror films – they stay with you longer than the popcorn you ate while watching them.
2. Always have a “brave friend”.
3. It is always good when a friend “has your back” (even if it is a few steps away).
4. It is good to have a friend to run to for help (even if she has no idea you are coming).
5. Remind yourself where your confidence belongs… “The Lord is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?” Psalm 118:6

Affectionately,
“The Not-So-Brave One” – Chicken Little!

PS: The names have not been changed to protect the "innocent"!

Letting Go of the Stinky Socks

2008-08-13T08:05:00.002-04:00

I tell you that you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.

Mark 11:24-25

Sam and Maggie love playing with socks. The dirtier and stinkier – all the better. They have become quite adept at opening our wicker hamper and grabbing a sock or two to run around with. They never want to give it back. In their minds, it is much more fun to enter into a game of tug of war with me over this dirty sock than it is to release it. Yet, in order to teach them to “let it go” – I stop playing. Game over.

Once again, I find myself learning more from these dogs that I would care to admit. Recently, I found myself in a tug of war with God over my own “stinky sock” - two difficult relationships in my life. “Let it go”, I was told on more than one occasion. “It is not your battle and I will judge, not you,” God spoke to my heart. Oh, but I was quick to reply, “But God, you don’t understand.” (Really, what was I thinking?!)

Gently He tugged a little harder and I held on tighter to my bitterness and resentment. Soon, it was game over for me.

I kept coming to God. Bringing all that I thought was good but still holding on tightly to the “grudge” I thought was mine to hold. Like Sam and Maggie, I ran around trying to get Him to interact with me while still grasping my stinky grudge. Nothing worked. The game was over.

A game is pretty boring when both sides aren’t playing.

It wasn’t long before I started to feel alone in the silence. I wasn’t hearing God speak into my life. Mind you, He was speaking. I was just choosing not to listen to what he was saying. My selective hearing rendered me unable to hear beyond the concern of what I needed to deal with.
Every now and then, I would hear “drop it” and I would tug back “not yet”.

Can I just tell you life is unsettling and empty when you feel like you are “playing” all alone!

Thankfully, He didn’t give up on me.

Much like Sam and Maggie, I grew tired of playing all alone and holding onto the “stinky sock”. I finally let it go. It is in His hands now.

Like the dogs, I am sure I will occasionally look into that “dirty hamper” and try to find that “stinky sock”. Hopefully, with God’s grace and the lesson I have learned, I will “let it go” right away.

Life is so much better when I am playing by God’s rules!

Running with the Dogs

2008-07-28T16:07:00.005-04:00

Today was a first.

After the horror and anguish of shopping for a bathing suit, I figured that I needed to start my running routine again. In my haste to begin and the need to tire out the dogs, I came up with the crazy idea to take Sam and Maggie with me.

Now, you need to understand, that these dogs are not used to walking together much less running. What was I thinking!?

Nonetheless, off we went...well, sort of.

First Sam was in the lead and then Maggie took over. Oops, Sam stops to smell the roses. Oh no, Maggie is off after a rabbit.

Me, well, I am being stretched, twisted and turned in every conceivable direction. If I had been green, I am sure someone would have mistaken me for Gumby.

Then it happened, we all fell into step. A smooth running machine. Ten legs all moving in harmony together. It was beautiful.

Brief, but beautiful.

Can I just tell you there are too many distractions for a dog around my neighborhood!

2008-07-15T07:07:00.014-04:00

Okay, it isn't "intsy-tinsy" or even "teeny weenie" and really, it isn't even a "yellow polka-dot bikini" but it is one absolutely, terrifying piece of clothing.

I think I was born in the wrong era. Middle ages would have been good. I hear that "voluptuous" was the way to go then. Pre-Civil War era would have been good. I am sure that you could have squeezed and hid a lot in those corsets and ample skirts. The Roaring 20's would have been good. Beachwear for women resembled more of a jump suit than a birthday - oops, I mean bathing suit.

Yep, that's it. I was born in the wrong era.

Unfortunately for me, now I have to deal with bikinis, tankinis, one piece suits - don't even worry about thongs. I will NEVER, EVER have to deal with that! Those sights are ones that I personally don't think anyone should be forced to endure on the beach but that's a topic for a different day!

The concern for me right now is to find the best suit. One that covers what needs to be covered; hides what needs to be hidden and hopefully, looks good in the process.

Can you tell me why it was easier to pick my wedding dress than it is to pick a bathing suit!?

Hmmm, do you think this will work?

Feeling Dry and Dusty?

2008-07-11T21:51:00.013-04:00

So much of our physical existence relies on water. A person can survive long periods of time without food but not more than a few days without water. How true that is for my spiritual life too!

Dry and dusty spirits cry out for a soaking. I try to satiate that thirst with so many things - shopping, reading, watching TV, etc. It is chasing the mirage - thinking I am getting to the real water source and ending up with nothing but a empty promise. Yet, God continually beckons me to Him.

His desire is to refresh and nourish me. He is the only source of Living Water. The well that never runs dry. The only Water that will satisfy my deepest need. The only Water I should ever want. It is precious Living Water and I should savor every drop!

Instead of leading a dry and dusty experience trying to fill my broken cistern with empty mirages, I should be dancing in the downpour of the Living Water.

I remember, when I was little, enjoying a summer rainstorm with my head tilted back; arms wide open and splashing anyone near. That is what I need to do now....Dance in the downpour and splash those around me!

I am ready to get wet!

How about you?

Sam and Maggie

2008-07-04T10:14:00.019-04:00

It is a dog’s life.

At least in our home it is.
May I introduce you to....

King Sam & Princess Maggie

These are two dogs with a splash of spunk, a little bit of quirky and whole lotta love.

I have no idea what life would be without them. Easier, probably. Cheaper, I am sure. Neater, without a doubt but I wouldn’t trade it (or them) for anything.

Nothing beats the companionship of man’s (or girl’s) best friend.

Sam and Maggie provide awesome examples every day on how I should live life full of...

Unconditional love.

Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:12

Unbridled devotion.

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Romans 12:10

Unabashed goofiness.

A cheerful heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22a

It may be a dog's life but it is a good life. Even in two spunky, quirky, loving dogs, there is a lesson to be learned. Life is full of surprises - wouldn't you agree!

No "dead zones" here!

2008-07-01T09:12:00.006-04:00

“So, what are you doing tonight? Me, well , I am not sure, maybe…hello…hello…are you there? Hello, can you hear me?!”

It happened again. I am talking to nothing - no one. I have entered the dreaded “dead zone”. No cell towers – no reception. I can’t hear. I can’t be heard.

Cell phones are fickle. God is not. He speaks continually.

Can you hear me now, child?

As the breeze rustles through the trees, I am listening, Lord. As the birds sing their beautiful melodies, I am listening. As warmth of the sun meets the coolness of the breeze, I am listening. Speak.

Can you hear me now, child?

In the playful moments with my dogs, I am listening, Lord. In the midst of the clamor of work, I am listening. In the daily tasks of life, I am listening. Speak.

Can you hear me now, child?

Through the smile of a stranger, I am listening, Lord. In the embrace of spouse, I am listening. Through the tears of a friend, I am listening. Speak.

Can you hear Him now?

Here we go again...

2008-06-25T17:18:00.001-04:00

I am totally overwhelmed! What in the world am I doing here?

Those words were not just whispers in my head last weekend. Nope, more like guttural screams from deep inside!

Here I was, once again, in a room of amazing and passionate women speaking languages that I don’t understand. "All rights, first rights, one time rights, manuscripts, rejection letters (okay, probably know what this is), IP addresses, dashboard, blog carnival" – I was so past “Calgon take me away!” If anyone is reading this who was at the She Speaks conference, I was the girl without a clue. Couldn’t even buy one! Though, if you look at my purchases from the book table, I definitely tried!

You know, He is always doing this to me! Find myself in the zone, cozy and comfortable just where I am. Not for long! Yep, before I can put on the warm, fuzzy slippers – whoosh – it’s gone. I am transported into a room of polished, smiling women bedecked with fresh manicures and pedicures, outfits to die for and confidence abounding. What in the world am I doing here!?

Then come some answers from the wise women at Proverbs 31…..

If you are going to do Kingdom work, you have to set your agenda aside.
Are you obedient only to a certain point?
Be an original version of yourself, rather than a cheap imitation of someone else.
Live creatively - embrace new things, challenge yourself.
If you are struggling with the shadow of doubt - then you have turned away from the Light.
What are you really seeking after?

I am back from P31 Conference

2008-06-23T09:33:00.000-04:00

"You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, "and my servant whom I have

chosen, so that you may know and believe me

and understand that I am he."

Isaiah 43:10

I am home!

The whirlwind of the weekend is starting to settle. A good night sleep and a fresh cup of coffee are helping me to gather my scattered thoughts.

It was an amazing weekend. I was surrounded by incredible women who love the Lord and are excited about sharing their messages - His message! Women who are chosen, handpicked by God to be His witnesses, His servants.

The verse from Isaiah was a gift given to me on a card during the conference. Printed behind the verse in shadow type, is the word "Called". This card is and will be a very special reminder for me.

You see, I am starting to really understand that my love for writing is a gift from Him, not this ethereal dream that I have had for years. It doesn't end with the desire to write. He has commissioned me to carry His message to others and writing appears to be the means for me to do this.

As I grasp the pen or type on the keyboard, I pray that I can set aside my agenda and do the work He calls me to do!

A Big Step to a Bigger Dream!

2008-06-18T11:05:00.001-04:00

I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.
Henry David Thoreau

It has been a longtime dream of mine to write. A dream that I have thought of, talked about and dabbled only half-heartedly. Now, it is time to "advance confidently". The roller coaster ride is about to begin! Tomorrow, I leave for the "She Speaks" Conference and I will be following a Writer's Track. (http://www.shespeaksconference.com/) This is a big step - a scary, big step! I am so excited to see what God has in store for me. I will write more when I return home! I am a dry sponge now...ready to soak it all in. Hope you will be ready for a splash or two when I return!